The Wargaming Cynic

Chapter 4: Resonance (Part 2): Ork Guns Don’t Work Just Because They Think They Do (and other misconceptions about resonance)

2012-01-18T19:08:00.000-08:00

“However, disturbing as it sounds, these ‘facts’ become true. Red Ork vehicles do travel perceptibly faster than those of other colours, even when all other design aspects are nominally the same. Similarly, many captured Ork weapons and items of equipment should not work, and indeed do not work unless wielded by an Ork. I believe this is linked to the strong psychic aura surrounding all Orkoids and have developed the Anzion Theorem of Orkoid Mechamorphic Resonant Kinetics. I theorise that many Orks themselves think that they should work. The strong telekinetic abilities of the Orks’ subconscious somehow ensure that the machinery or weaponry functions as desired.”
(The “Other” Anzion Article, 3rd Edition Ork Codex, pg.48)

Almost all misconceptions in fiction are based upon a general misreading of a particular feature within it. It’s usually a blank, sweeping generalisation of something, usually acquired by taking a literal, unimaginative (and often incomplete) conclusion based upon only what is emphatically said, and/or taken from currently given examples. This is what I like to call stroking the canon. Most fanboys do it constantly, and there’s an easy way to spot it, just look for a moment when any fanboy says: “No, X wouldn’t do that…” That’s usually a good indicator that what they really mean is: “I have no imagination. I need this to be untrue because it rocks what little certainty remains in my life.”

We’re all probably guilty of this from time to time, usually unconsciously. Certainly, not every statement that claims a fictional entity can’t do something is wrong, because much of fiction relies on people intrinsically understanding things that are quite well (sometimes even rigidly) defined. But one should always be wary. A writer sometimes expects you to read between the lines, and take logical conclusions. There are many debates on the internet, that spout from the apparent logical paradoxes of actions committed, usually by characters or factions in fictional works, as if the only sensible solution they can come up with is the one characters are always going to arrive at, even in stressful situations.

It also pays if you actually truly understand the character or faction you’re ranting about.

So this leads me quite well to resonance. Resonance plays host for a myriad of quite horrific misconceptions, and is famously quite bad for confusing people, or being such an unknown entity that some 40k fans aren’t even aware that the fictional device exists at all! By far the worst of it though, is those who know it quite well, and use it with tiresome regularity as evidence that Orks suck, are stupid, or don’t make sense. Tonight, I will provide all Ork fans with the final and clinching argument that ends all of this nonsense, and to those who have used said argument, a quite thorough literal thrashing. Because anyone who says Ork guns only work because Orks think they do (what TV Tropes terms “Clap Your Hands If You Believe”) is actually wrong.

The key to understanding this particular misconception is actually the key to understanding the Orks.

Before we deal with the misconception, we should discuss why such a conclusion could be made. As I mentioned previously, all Orks are slightly psychic, and Orks utilise this energy via resonance, which controls various aspects of their biological processes (notably growth and replication), as well as assisting their existence by promoting success.

In addition to the benefits of the Waaagh! , resonance also has a massive impact upon the day-to-day needs and beliefs of Orkoids. Orkoid Resonance doesn’t actually stop working, and it is actually a constant that most likely affects all Orkoids in various ways throughout their existence: shaping, aiding and controlling the Orkoids’ progression in Ork society. The two best known of these applications are Orkoid Weapons and the infamous Red Paint Job.

The concept of Red Wunz Go Fasta will be well known to most Ork Players, and most likely most 40k players. How and why it works is all down to resonance, an aspect of which mentioned in the second Anzion article from the 3rd Edition Ork Codex (see Chapter quote above), and is termed: the Anzion Theorem of Orkoid Mechamorphic Resonant Kinetics. Quite hilariously pompous, but shortened to Mechamorphic Resonance, it can be somewhat functional.

As is explained in the article, its origins are likely quite innocent, with an imperceptible change in speed between two vehicles, one of which was red. Likewise it could also spring from ideas promoted by Evil Sunz and/or the Cult of Speed, trying to suggest that their vehicles were faster, or more likely they adopted red vehicles because they were indeed faster. One could theorise the origins of the true adage until the Squiggoths turn up, but it works for the Orks just the same.

Some people think that Andy Chambers invented this for 3rd Edition. This is partly right, Andy C probably was responsible for it, but the concept itself is as old as Rogue Trader, being mentioned in Waaargh The Orks! (like pretty much everything else, aside of sporing). Although the clear explanation is a 3rd Ed invention, it’s likely that the characteristics of Waaagh Energy were clanking around in Andy’s deranged mind for the many years it took him to get it down on paper.

So, as we know from last time, resonance responds to the belief and perceptions of Orkoids. If those perceptions are common enough, they start to actually happen on a massive and universal scale. So once all Orkdom was convinced that Red Vehicles are indeed faster because they are red, it becomes a constant truism for Orks. But as mentioned last time, that perception has to have originally been ground in some form of reality or otherwise the Orks would have never believed it. Orks can make quite fanciful conclusions, but they don’t get them from nowhere. They need something to conclude from.

Thus we are led to the major misconception. It is true that resonance plays a big role in how most Ork technology works. Orks are by and large “can-do” thinkers, not exactly optimistic, just not pessimistic. Thus the concept of failure is something Orks don’t think about, so resonance is merely helping to eliminate the likelihood of failure. Bear in mind that this wont always work, because Orks have to be convinced of its value, and reality is going to rear its ugly head quite often (take note of the fact that Orks can be killed, which shows that realism is still there; no Ork expects, wants or believes they are going to die, yet invariably will, in spite of resonance). Orks have a tendency towards some rationalism, so it is unlikely that Orks would suddenly be able to teleport, or master anti-gravity. Bear these limits in mind, because they’re important.

The Anzion Resonance Article mentions that Ork weapons don’t really work without Orks being there. This is technically true, but there are a number of important distinctions to bear in mind. Not bearing said distinctions in mind leads to the quantum leap that Ork weapons and technology only works because they think it does. Sadly said conclusion is based purely on ignorance of the fluff.

Taking note of where the offending fluff comes from is the first important distinction. Because it notes quite clearly that Meks are spored with an inherent knowledge of “basic physics and mechanical engineering theory”, so even if Meks are completely unaware of what they are building and how they built it, it seems likely that their understanding is at least intuitive enough to be mostly efficient and workable. So it would seem pretty rash to conclude from the fluff that Meks can’t actually build anything, and that an Ork gun is a rusty pipe and a stick held together with gaffer tape. It’s as likely to be as good attempt at a gun as any other engineer with a flair for building would do.

So, Ork technology can plausibly work. Thus it is already clear that the claim of belief being the only factor is clearly wrong. Then if you include the idea even mentioned in the example for the Red Paint Job in the same article (again), you are faced with the fact that something had to form a realistic influence (i.e. a red vehicle perceptively went faster for some unforeseen technical reason than a non-red vehicle) in order for the perception to be enforced by resonance; so at one point a Mek presumably managed to replicate the affect of a weapon that they encountered, or originally used, and at some point it actually stopped mattering whether the technology all worked or not.

Besides, it’s not as if the Imperials are any better. Let’s look at their lasguns.

Psychic resonance on Ork weapons is a fundamental aspect of Ork construction. Psychic energy is channelled from the powers of the warp. Other races channel the warp as a power source, creating warp engines and so forth. If Orks are the only means by which their technology gains that empowerment, then to say that Orks believe stuff works merely because they think they do, is to take a battery out of a torch and expect it to work on its own.

Aside of the fact that this is a real life example versus a fictional one, the point is twofold: Of course, the torch won’t work, so therefore the maxim is true, surely? But that’s just it, the maxim is just as much wrong. Because with or without a battery, you still have a torch. The fact humans have a battery rather than the power of belief is no difference. A Battery is a maguffin that makes something work, and so too in the fictional universe of 40k is waaagh energy. If belief is reflected in psychic resonance, and that resonance can be channelled into making things work, it is a power source in the same way that atomic energy is. So it is only absurd in that it is fictional, and in its own context (i.e. fiction) such a consideration is irrelevant.

Although I doubt the powering up of your battery caused a dead man’s eyes to open and caused a psychic space explorer to jump to his death, did it? You thought your battery hadn’t run out either. You were wrong on both counts.

Well I said lasgun and meant torch… it’s pretty easy to mix those two things up. They both run on power packs that are essentially called batteries. Besides, the Imperials view technology as part of a religion. The mocking should really be coming from the Ork players.

So there we go. You need some logical basis for the thing to happen, or at least some kind of basis. I’m perfectly sure that it doesn’t matter anyway. Because resonance is an inseparable part of the Orks, and it makes no difference either way. To belittle the influence of resonance as a cop-out, or evidence of stupidity would be a bit like hand-waving every advancement humanity has made through the use of opposable thumbs. If a feature exists for a race (fictional or real) then said race is going to make use of it, or it’s a bit pointless it being there at all.

Understanding that resonance works in particular ways and is always present can help to solve a number of mysteries about the Orks. In particular, it can answer a few things about what makes Orks tick. It can explain why Madboyz can be physically stronger than all other Orks, and also explains a few of their powers (in Rogue Trader, some Madboyz could make things float about like poltergeist activity), as their irrational minds can actually bring out the true potential of resonance, because they are not as grounded by reality and rationalism as other Orks.

It also can also help explain why Goffs are smelly and Bad Moons teeth grows faster, also why blue is lucky, probably why Blood Axes are Sneaky, and also how Ork anaesthesia works. The likes of smelly goffs and teeth-rich Bad Moons probably started off life as insults from the other clans, racial slurs upon them that eventually started being true. Most likely at one point they were based in fact: perhaps a particularly successful Goff Warlord was really smelly for some reason (or perhaps non-Goffs foresaw a particular problem about shunning transports in favour of running…), and perhaps a infamous Bad Moon trader, mek or warboss had teeth that seemed to grow quicker (or perhaps Bad Moons were just so good at business and making teeth that Orks began thinking it was because their teeth grew quicker).

So, the next time some player makes some sarcy comment about Ork weaponry, get them to take the battery out of their mobile phone.

Chapter 3: Resonance (Part 1): WAAAGH! An Introduction to Orkoid Resonance

2012-01-08T13:54:00.000-08:00

“Gork and Mork stirred and a wave of fear passed through the warp. Suicide and incidence of violent crime climbed steeply. On Icholbar an Astropath screamed and threw himself from the balcony of a skyscraper apartment, yelling that his people were doomed. On the craftworld Hope of Other Days, an Eldar philosopher stopped listening to the atonal music of his waterchimes and began composing his death-haiku. On distant Earth, a living corpse in a golden throne opened eyes that held fear for the first time in centuries.” Extract from In The Warp Something Stirred, Waaargh! The Orks, pg.71

Waaagh Energy is a potent thing in the Ork’s arsenal. I’d actually argue it is the most potent and misunderstood concept in the whole of the Ork pantheon. It has such vastly wide consequences I need to discuss it in 3 chapters, and no doubt it’ll come up as a topic numerous times over the course of the whole series.

All Orkoids are slightly psychic. Their connection to the warp is extremely strong, and their unflinching beliefs produce the immensely powerful warp reflection of Gork and Mork, the Ork gods, who unerringly romp throughout the Warp beating up every other god and always triumphing. Gork and Mork will come up again later in the series, but the issue of how the Gods were created is the key to understanding the Waaagh, and some of the potential it has.

The quote supplied above (and how awesome is it) was something I thought was merely another in a long line of “Staffer Hearsay”: cool stories that come from somewhere that is most likely the Universe of Made Up Crap. But to my surprise, I found it in the story In The Warp Something Stirred (which is possibly the best example of understatement in all of 40k) in Waaargh! The Orks. The story tells of the first Waa-Ork (which is what Waaargh! The Orks calls a Waaagh!), which creates both the psychic awakening of the whole Orkoid race, but also the two Ork Gods. What spawns this magnificent revolution? A Mek deciding, for the first time, to build a gargant. The psychic energy produced by that realisation is enough to briefly wake the Emperor from a state of quite profound death.

Waaagh Energy and an actual Waaagh! are entirely the same thing. Waaagh Energy is the psychic build-up, a melting pot of the subconscious psychic energy of a group of Orkoids. The more Orkoids there are, and the more aggressive they are, the more powerful the energy. It’s the reason Orks grow big, it’s the reason Squigs fill the societal needs they do, and it’s the reason that Ork Society works the way it does. With Waaagh Energy, there is virtually nothing the Orks cannot do.

Orks have a can-do philosophy. Orks don’t worry about their problems, or about failure, they just try something different until the difficulty is overcome. As they go about their existence, the Orkoid psychic subconscious ensures that this philosophy works. If the Ork wants to take over the Warband, he toughens up. If he wants to build something, by fiddling about and not knowing what he’s doing, he’ll build it. It isn’t completely flawless, but the Waaagh Energy will make the desired outcome at least possible, if the right conditions are in place.

What are the right conditions? Well, we’ll come back to this in part 2, but Waaagh Energy does have its limits, most of the time. The limitation is the imagination, or common perception of Orkoids, as well as reality itself. I can see some arguments about how this system can be abused, but it’s virtually impossible. If an Ork doesn’t believe something possible, it won’t happen. Remember that Waaagh Energy is wholly subconscious. So its limits are self-imposed. There are many things Orks wouldn’t bother with, and they adhere to various schools of thought that regulate their behaviour, such as Clan Affiliations, or just the Orky outlook in general. So, whilst the possibilities of Waaagh Energy are infinite, their actual potential is dependent on the outlook of the Orkoids that foster it. If an Ork, for instance, believes Blue to be a lucky colour, it is unlikely that they’d immediately conclude that pink is luckier without some significant influence upon their outlook.

Orks are probably the least imaginative of all the Orkoids, perhaps of the entire 40k universe, so Ork society has to get around to certain ideas usually by accident, tradition, or in response to stimuli from encountering other races. This regulates Waaagh Energy uses quite well, but also allows it to be scaled up, as needed. Thus Orks actually get a lot better in every way if they have a good opponent, because their expansion is based upon reacting to their stimulus, rather than relying on the basic Ork societal programming.

As a side note here, one could be led to conclude that Orks actually need war to enhance their society, and their very species. Without much of a complex history, or an overly imaginative and dynamic society, Orks need stimulus to draw from, so if the Orks find themselves a good opponent or two, they’ll learn from them how to be more successful. When your outlook and biology is purely based on survival, you will need survival to be more of a challenge to truly improve at it.

Waaagh Energy is also the likely candidate for what controls the sporing process. Orkoids form their own eco-system, wherever they go. The 3 greenskin hierarchy forms the basis of Ork society, whilst the Squigs play havoc with the local environment, as well as evolving to suit societal needs. The sporing process works like clockwork, filling in gaps, slowly building up the Orkoid Species from nothing into everything, releasing spores at the same time, regressing development to produce new Orkoids, and so on. What on earth controls all this? The Waaagh! of course.

The Orkoids’ subconscious psychic resonance is constant at any state of development , providing the impetus to biological processes. Taken as a whole, this resonance is able to cater for all the biological and social needs of Ork society as a whole. Viewed this way, it’s hard not to view Orkoid culture as a gestalt entity; acting as one uniting concept, yet being a vastly diversified culture with four separate species working towards the benefit of them all. It doesn’t always work out, but the potential for the process is always there, in every, single spore.

This psychic energy is also used in battle. We will go into more detail regarding its more subtle uses and such in Chapter 4 (when we’ll really get to the big misconceptions), but the main usage it sees in battle is the Power of Waaagh! and when in use by the Ork pskyers, namely Weirdboyz.

Before continuing, it is worth noting that there is no difference between the two different examples and how they manifest. All Orkoid psychic energy is resonance, and this resonance is itself the Waaagh!, it just varies as to how pronounced, or even aggressive it is. An Orkoid might not even be vaguely aware of its presence, but even the most minute to the most blatant application of this psychic energy comes from precisely the same source.

The Waaagh! is the most potent example of this phenomena. It is the peak of a build up of energy. Almost all Orks build up to this moment, and when the moment finally arrives all that energy and effort used to get to that moment is released simultaneously, to such a powerful extent that it can only be verbally expressed by its very words, and that expression is unlikely to be subtle.

The Waaagh! is resonance at its least subtle. An Ork will particularly feel the effects of its powers, overcome by a lust for glory and battle. It will help them toughen up; it will speed them up and even give them fortune at vital moments. It also gives the ability for a powerful Warboss to instantly unify and concentrate the attentions of hundreds, perhaps thousands or millions of Orkoids into a single objective.

This psychic energy is a virtual constant, and exists in every Orkoid. It can be tapped into specially gifted Orks called Weirdboyz, who tap into that reserve of power and manifest it in psychic attacks and energy. By rights, Ork Weirdboyz should have the most powerful psychic powers in the game, at least by nature of raw power. Because they’re tapping not only from the Warp as other psykers do, but from a race who are all psychically endowed and virtually unified by belief.

Whereas all other races and powers often run into problems because their faithful themselves have flawed and limited convictions, an Ork simply never bothers with such concerns, and their beliefs are unflinching. The Powers of Chaos, for instance, can be undermined, or enhanced, by doubt. Gretchin are a very doubtful race, or at least fatalistic by their very nature, but they generally have faith in their masters, and fully accept that Orks will win.

It should be stated, perhaps even overstated, that Psychic Energy isn’t unstoppable. It still answers to the reality of 40k as much as anything else, and Waaagh energy can only be expected to bend that reality in very narrow instances. If we use an odd analogy, Ork’s unflinching belief mixed with psychic resonance would not make Orks always roll 6s, even if there might be some slight psychic influence so that all Ork players on our planet do indeed roll more 6s than Beakie players, let’s say, it wouldn’t be all the time. There might be a small moment in time when Orks are under the muster of a particularly powerful Ork Warlord that this maxim was possible for a particular endeavour; at least now we know why Ghaz’ ‘Prophet of the Waaagh!’ rule works.

An Ork with very strong psychic abilities and an inclination for survival is still going to look woeful after his head gets hit by a bolter round; it’s just before that he may have managed to run the distance of several football pitches without slowing down, and bringing a large choppa to bear that could even possibly put an unpleasant mark on a tank. Sadly his imagination didn’t really stretch to a rocket-propelled explosive shell heading towards his face, and reality could be bothered to contradict the possibility.

In spite of this, there’s not a single thing in the Ork fluff that Orks or any Orkoid has achieved without some help from psychic resonance. It is the invisible hand that helps guide the Orkoids to their many successes, and even those inevitable failures; but it’ll still be there to pick them up afterwards (not that they’ll need it). Over the course of the next two chapters, we are going to explore this odd relationship even further. Chapter 4 (Part 2) will discuss the main misconceptions of resonance (and I promise to completely resolve one of them once and for all) and Chapter 5 (Part 3) will go into a little speculation about the biggest misconception about resonance, that resonance is somehow limited to Orks.

Chapter 2: The Truth About Orkoid Physiology

2011-12-19T13:10:00.000-08:00

“Skills seem to be genetically engineered into Orkoids. Their physicians, scientists and other specialists have their knowledge inherent in them. Think of the possibilities for training our own fighting forces if we could alter their genetic makeup so that they instinctively knew how to strip and clean a weapon, fight in close melee and had a rudimentary knowledge of strategy and tactics. Even with the genetically engineered Adeptus Astartes, it takes almost ten years of intensive therapy and physical alteration to perfect what an Ork knows instinctively! Bellator Natus.” (3rd Edition Ork Codex pg.47)

It is probably one of the most debated subjects in all of Orkdom: the nature of the beast. Many theories are espoused, dismissed, and otherwise argued over concerning the nature of our green-skinned gorillas. They are of course, green, right?

It’s a good question, and I’d say the answer is yes, or no. Certainly the fluff is clear on why Ork skin is green. The fluff describes Ork skin as being green due to a symbiotic green algae contained in their skin cells. This endows the skin with a natural polymer (plastic) and gives it a tough, rubbery skin, and thus endows it with significant properties of strength and resilience. Greenness is something deliberately encoded into the Ork genetic, structure, well, one of the two genetic structures that Orkoids have.

The trouble is that the fluff has never said “Ork skin is always green”, even if at times it has alluded to the possibility that this maxim is true. However the problem with that is that Orks are always in a constant state of change. It is part of their very nature that they adapt, evolve and change in order to survive. Orks are flexible in every single way, philosophically, physically, and biologically.

Thus one cannot rule out the possibility that some Orks somewhere, for whatever reason develop a different skin colour. It could be a mutation brought on by necessity by the sporing process, or some change brought on by a shift in Ork Resonance (more on that in the next 3 chapters). Generally speaking however, it’s safe to assume that most Orks are definitely green. Although Squigs are Orkoids, and aren’t always green. Thus we can see from the Squigs that Orkoids are perfectly capable of selective mutation. The trouble is finding the right kind of Ork mentality to trigger it, but more on that in a future chapter.

The secret to Ork Physiology is symbiosis. They are two different creatures at the same time. Orks have two genetic structures, one of which is “animal” and one of which is “fungal”. The “animal” part is the Orkoid beast; which sub-species they are (be they Ork, Gretchin, Snotling or Squig) and their status in Ork society (predetermined by their standard “animal” gene-strand). The “fungal” (and part algal) part is the key behind their resilience and also how they procreate (plus many other things, determined by their second gene-strand in their algal/fungal base).

The second, algal/fungal gene-spiral is the most interesting. The algal part is what allows Ork bodies to be resilient and adaptive (such as advanced clotting to avoid bleeding to death, healing over wounds and not rejecting surgical intervention, prosthetics or organ donations), produces a natural polymer for their skin (plastic), contains all the genetic information on all Orkoids, and periodically releases microscopic airborne cells that contain the information. These are called Spores.

Spores are the key to how Orkoids replicate. They are shed (like dead skin) subconsciously by all Orkoids, floating into the air and can be propelled quite a ways by wind dispersal. They are used in a few ways, one of which is that they can be detected by the sensitive nasal organs, conveying a variety of information, such as age, species and social status. It also helps Orkoids to locate other Orkoids, over quite a distance.

Its primary role however is the sporing process. When settled in the correct conditions (moist, shaded, dark and dank like other fungus), the spore will grow downwards, with tiny rootlets searching for moisture, and then will eventually Orkoid cells will generate and grow, eventually emerging as an Orkoid, be it Snotling, Squig, Gretchin or Ork.

Most spores don’t actually develop into anything more complicated than fungus, something the Orkoids will often farm for food. Many will fail simply because they’re not in the right conditions, and even if they are, some factors prevent it. One such factor is the proximity of Ork settlement. Spores don’t gestate in or near Ork settlements. Wouldn’t want an Ork popping out of your sofa, would you?

Spores also seldom develop individually, at least at the initial stage of sporing. Spores tend to wait around a while until others have matured equally to them, and they emerge simultaneously (presumably this is a case of the ancient survival technique of living and fictional creatures everywhere: the importance of teamwork. The more of you there is, the less likely that it is you that comes out of it badly). The Black Library book Xenology even adds to this, stating that any spore can regress its development into a less complicated or more complicated Orkoid as is required.

The more complex the organism, the longer it takes to develop and emerge, taking proportionally longer for the larger Orkoids in the system (Gretchin and Orks in particular). The order is fixed, as it helps the sporing process work. Squigs emerge first, providing the vital societal base (mostly as a food source, specialising comes later); followed swiftly by the Snotlings, who start preparing the area; then the Gretchin who prepare for the Ork’s arrival; before finally the Orks arriving in their usual style: grumpy, violent and bossy.

The first major misconception that is commonly made about Orkoid physiology is to somehow assume Orks are unique in this process, or even the most important part of it. The cycle of Orkoid life works in a particular way because all of it is vital. The Squigs will be utilised to form a living foundation upon the society, fulfilling so many roles it’s unbelievable: from providing food to growing to become the gigantic Squiggoths and Orkeosauruses. Pretty much every beast Orks use is a Squig in some shape or form. Despite the Squigs mostly resembling the ones from the fantasy range, they vary vastly. In fact the most common Squig model you’ll see is on your Ork models – those bits of hair are hair squigs.

Snotlings are the least known quantity of the whole Orkoid race, but there is a fair bit to go on. Firstly (although this will be dealt with in a later chapter in Part 2), don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise: Snotlings are the Brainboyz, or at least what is left of them. The question is what this means for the origins of the Orks, but whichever interpretation you buy (and unless Ward screwed it up there is only one currently that makes the most sense) the Snotlings’ origin doesn’t change. As it stands now, it seems they are vital in the sporing process, managing the Squigs, and the Fungus as childlike shepherds.

Gretchin? Well they build everything. Everything. The reason Orks have a society at all is because of the Gretchin, and they build most of it without being “encouraged” to do so. Of course the society will function and look far better once the Gretchin start getting “encouraged” into doing a better job, but Orks live for war, and can be pretty short-sighted and forgetful about everything else. That’s what the Grots are for (only the Meks will aid improvements of Ork society with their gizmos and know-wats). When the Orks finally arrive, their society is waiting for them, and the Orks guide the whole species’ destiny; usually in the direction of war with whatever is closest at hand, whatever it is, even if it’s other Orkoids.

Orkoids themselves have tough skin (plastic, as mentioned earlier), and an immune system and internal organs that essentially exist mostly to enable Orks to avoid most unpleasant situations. Orkoids are likely to survive and thrive from any treatment they receive, and are unlikely to die of any wounds if they survive the initial shock. They are very unlikely to find their bodies refusing prosthetics or transplants (even if a Squig is used instead of the vital organ) and generally they’ll make a full recovery from almost every injury.

They also have many, many stomachs (including one of their two hearts which also does a bit of digestion when needed), which allows Orkoids to eat things that most species would consider absolutely inedible. For this reason, one can assume is the main reason why most Squigs are considered edible. So bad is it with Orks, that Squigs probably could have evolved some form of defence against eating, and most of them (aside of the Spiny Squig and a few others) obviously didn’t bother, because Orks will eat anything. Orkoids also have very little in the way of sensory abilities. They derive pleasure from mostly obvious and brutal bouts of violence, although Gretchin are noted in the fluff as being rather good cooks. So presumably Orks have some (but likely limited) taste.

How the complicated bits work is down to genetic memory. Pretty much every aspect of Ork society is contained within their DNA, which is contained within the genetic structure of every single Orkoid. Before they’re even spored, the nature of that Orkoid is usually predetermined. Meks, Doks, Runtherds are born with a natural and subconscious knowledge and talent for their specific field. Many of them will get better at it (something oft overlooked) through learning and experience, but their basis of knowledge is inherently already there in their DNA.

All Orks are born with the knowledge of how to fight, clean and strip a weapon, and a rudimentary knowledge of strategy and tactics. Likewise, much of what makes Snotlings and Gretchin what they are is owing to their DNA. Dim also thinks there is more knowledge in the other “lesser” Orkoids that remains as yet untapped (or just not mentioned, what with the emphasis on Orks), waiting for the right moment to surface (but more on that in another chapter).

Before I move on, there is one bit left to mention. Orks get bigger as they get more aggressive and belligerent (there are also other societal benefits as well). It’s worth noting at this stage that all Orkoids get these (warfare based) perks, it’s just more pronounced with Orks. Orks physically get bigger the more that they fight, survive and succeed. Their body essentially rewards their success by toughening them up, so the bigger an Ork is, the more powerful they are. You can derive social status from it, so the biggest Ork will be a warlord. The main exception however, is that potential rivals will quickly grow larger and toughen up. If a Warboss is shrewd, they will notice this change, and take swift measures to deal with it pre-emptively.

Pretty much everything I’ve mentioned comes from two primary sources. The first is the fabled Anzion Article, the entirety of which can be read in the 3rd Edition Ork Codex, and the Gorkamorka Uvver Book (although sadly not the one GW had on its website). The other source is Xenology, which adds a little bit more, but I’ve summed up the main gist of a fair bit of it, and once we’ve had some time to discuss the bits of Resonance, we’ll have covered virtually everything within it.

There are 4 primary Latin phrases mentioned in the two sources. In Xenology there is one: “Nos sto in umerous giganticus”. The Latin is not perfect, but it roughly translates as “We stand upon large (or giant/gigantic) shoulders”. In the Anzion Article, there are 3. The first is “Ferire cum ultio”, which I’ve translated as roughly the best translation being “Slay (Kill or Purge) with vengeance”. The second is “Unus creare omnis”, which I translate to mean, “One sires (or creates) all”. Finally, there is “Bellator Natus” (featured in this chapter’s quote), which can either mean "Warrior Born" (literally) or "Born Warrior". I prefer the latter. "Natus" can also mean “son”, but I think “born” fits so much better it’s not even worth considering.

Ork Physiology leads us very well towards Psychic Resonance. In truth, the things are so inherently linked, that any time we discuss Orks, in some way we’re dealing with Orkoid Resonance. Much of what the Orks are is not quite as new as you think, either. A massive misconception to end on, is the idea that much of what “Modern” Orks are, owes its existence to a massive ret-con in the 3rd Edition Codex.

It’s actually not the case at all. For a start, the Anzion Article itself is originally from Gorkamorka, and is pretty much the only bit of fluff (aside of Rebel Grots somewhat) that is strictly relevant to Orks, and if you exclude the Rebel Grots as well, the Anzion article is the only thing that represents all or most Orks in normal circumstances. Secondly, not much of it is actually that new. Waaargh The Orks! (the first Ork book ever) is ancient compared to 3rd Ed, but it contains pretty much everything that is recognisable to modern Ork players, and for that reason I’d argue most of it is still relevant.

The only major difference is the Ork Reproductive cycle, which has changed drastically. Sporing is, believe me, far better than Old Orks getting randy and wandering off into the woods. The term "The Wild Ones" has remained, but is now used to describe primitive Ork Societies (Feral Orks, basically) rather than anything that "creepy". Perhaps that's where Bork went...

[It's worth noting, although I'm not done completely with Ere We Go or Freebootas yet, but I've seen no mention of Bork anywhere]

Psychic Resonance is certainly a new idea, but given Andy Chamber’s involvement pretty much from the very beginning, I’d be willing to bet that the Resonance stuff was ingrained in the Orks from the very beginning. Certainly the best example of how resonance works (Red Wunz Go Fasta), has existed since the very start, and is mentioned in Waaagh! The Orks. In fact the term Waaagh! although at the time called “Waa Ork” has always been imbued with the idea of psychic energy, and it is from Waaagh! the Orks that comes the single greatest quote in the history of Orkdom (and I absolutely guarantee it), and if you don’t believe me, just wait until Chapter 3!

Waaagh! Da Orks: An Introduction

2011-11-24T16:03:00.000-08:00

Well, now is most likely a good time to return to the Orks. This is something I have been planning as part of a wider plot for some time, but I figure now is as good a time as any to get into it, before Warhammer 40,000 under the helm of Captain Matthew "Pugwash" Ward steers the whole ship into a reef the size of a continent.

Waaagh! Da Orks is a series of articles, designed to encourage discussion and debate about the subject of the Orks in Warhammer 40,000. Hopefully it will be informative, in some instances amusing or at least give some interesting food for thought that might help you get more out of the Ork background aspect of the hobby. Although they are certainly not the last word on the Orks, they are intended to argue and debate concepts, some of which are not wholly agreed in the Warhammer 40,000 community.

Particularly for that reason, the first part of this series will look at common misconceptions about the Orks. Some of it is limited to those viewing Orks from the outside, but it is also something subject to the Ork players themselves, particularly if they have not read all of the background resources that feature the Orks.

Part 1: Orkish Misconceptions

Chapter 1: The Orks - Stupid, Crude or Misunderstood?

“The Orks are the pinnacle of creation. For them, the great struggle is won. They have evolved a society which knows no stress or angst. Who are we to judge them? We Eldar who have failed, or the Humans, on the road to ruin in their turn. And why? Because we sought answers to questions that an Ork wouldn’t even bother to ask! We see a culture that is strong and despise it as crude.” Uthan the Perverse

There are many misconceptions about the Orks. Some are because the Orks aren’t as straightforward as they look, and some because we’re even convinced that they’re straightforward at all. This particular subject is mostly limited to (but not exclusively) Non-Ork players. It goes without saying that if most of the people who only have a passing notice of them call them stupid, green, crude, and talk like Sloth from The Goonies on Ritalin, there’s bound to be a few inaccuracies.

Let’s face it, if you’ve spent any amount of time in this hobby as an Ork player, you’ve encountered players who say Orks are stupid, and shouldn’t be so utterly awesome. Perhaps they say they are out of place in this GrimDark Univer… sorry, Universe that was until recently called GrimDark. Usually said people tend to have just recently watched their shiny Beakies, Pansee or other Unproppa army get a severe kicking from some Orks: probably yours.

Unfortunately a decent segment of the fluff doesn’t help. Particularly the Ork way of speaking, which doesn’t come across too well. Partly however that is because you force a race to speak in a tongue that not only isn’t theirs, but also uses a completely different system of language. There are real life parallels. Do we call the North American Indian depiction in Hollywood films as they speak English “Him over there…” as stupid?

It is itself a fictional writing device (a trope), which itself is partly the point. The struggle to use a language we understand is supposed to be jarring. Perhaps we people who consume this are the ones who are stupid and crude? After all we don’t go to the effort of learning all the languages of the world (or can’t be bothered to read subtitles) of modernity and antiquity, nor to we go to the effort of learning fictional languages (well, 99% of us don’t). So, you have a choice. Either you understand what is said, or like the vast majority of Rammstein’s Non-German fanbase, you enjoy the sound of it and make a guess as to what it means (and with Rammstein, I doubt your guess will be anywhere near).

Of course the Orks themselves are rather uncomplicated. But, as the quote at the start of this article states, they don’t need to be. Orks certainly aren’t stupid though, that is based on factors we attribute to ourselves, or at least the outward values we expect to see. An intellectual usually has a advanced diction (although trust me, no grasp of grammar whatsoever), uses long words, conveys complex meanings and such. But an Ork doesn’t really need that. Orks are warriors, and in that regard they are devastatingly efficient. Every battle is a victory in some way. They don’t angst, they fight viciously and confidently, they don’t particularly fear death, and they have a philosophy that wholly supports their outlook.

If you contrast it with the fictional representation of humans (i.e. the Imperium) in 40k, you have humans blindly accepting a religious dictatorial theocracy that outright insists on deliberate ignorance of anything that doesn’t support their religious views. Orks do deliberately ignore things too, but only those things that don’t actually matter. Orks clearly have the ability to use tactics, and are depicted as the ultimate survivor, adapting to any situation in order to survive. Whereas we have fluff of the Imperial Higher Ups dismissing and punishing soldiers for suggesting that the Orks are anything other than stupid green berserkers.

Sure you have the likes of Pansee and such who seem more sophisticated, but they did create a Chaos God during certain events, which most likely made Roman Emperor Caligula blush in his grave. You do however have the above quote, Uthan is a Pansee, leading to either the conclusion that the Pansee know how efficient the Orks are, or that Uthan is in the minority, which is often argued by the Pro Orks=dumb argument.

It does however overlook one important fact about the Warhammer 40,000 Universe. The smart ones are either dead, about to be (probably self-inflicted) or running very quickly away from pretty much anything they come across. Either way, being smart in the Warhammer 40,000 Universe isn’t a good idea, something that has been explored to marvellous effect in the Ciaphas Cain novels.

Orks are ultimately deeply misunderstood, and what makes them so interesting is either overlooked or underplayed. Unfortunately a great deal of 40k geeks don’t seem to be able to understand the difference between canon and personal taste, which leads to a great deal of dismissive comments based mostly on the fact that people don’t like and/or get what the Orks are about.

It’s certainly true that to an extent, Orks have been dumbed down for a younger audience. However if you look close enough, Orks are still as deep and interesting as they always have been, and there is a wonderful simplicity to the Orks that is actually astonishingly interesting, and excellent fiction. Over the course of this part of the series, I hope to address a few of these misconceptions, and I encourage debate over what the Orks are, what (little there is) lies in the future for Orkdom. Hopefully by the end of it, Orks will be a lot more interesting.

The next chapter in this series will be about Ork Physiology.

Wargaming Aesthetics: Or Why Companies Think Gamers Buy Books By Scanning The Covers

2011-11-17T02:49:00.000-08:00

There are a number of phrases in the English language that run the full gamut of one's life, whereas there are others that you will hear and you'll never find a use for again. A phrase that should stick with you is the adage: "Never Judge A Book By Its Cover". It is invariably true and of considerable wisdom, yet it seems in the modern world as if we never bother heeding it.

Ironically the nature of the phrase has changed. In the old days it was about not being put off by a crummy, boring cover with no special design. A book that was of artistic worth was not one that could necessarily fork out for a grand and fancy cover. But these days the methods to make one are very accessible. Go into your nearest bookstore, and look to the bestselling paperbacks. You can tell the genre just by the design on the book. Lesser known writers who write for a popular genre (in order to cash in) will often use similar designs on their books, so "Dark Fantasy" will look not entirely unlike Twilight; A Historical Mystery novel will look disturbingly similar to the cover of the De Vinci Code, etc.

The aesthetic is something modern society finds very easy to produce. It's cheap, anyone with Photoshop and 4 hours spare time can do it, and you don't actually require an awful lot of talent to produce it. Obviously, when people are preparing to buy things, they are likely to look at it for a matter of seconds, or perhaps minutes, before handing money over. So the moral of the story there is to make sure they like what they see, or at least like what they see for the amount of time it takes for them to hand their money over; even if they don't actually understand why it looks that way...

This leads me aimlessly to Games Workshop. I'm not going to deny that without Games Workshop, we probably still wouldn't have a wargaming industry, let alone one that looks so impressive, but it seems the biggest wargaming company in the history of the universe is now so big and arrogant that the aesthetic is the only thing they actually bother to get right.

The above picture shows this particular effort rather well, and we've already discussed it previously, alongside "Finecast", and GW's propensity for Gimmicks, which also appeal to that aesthetic. Even the writing is about maintaining a very simple (but quite rubbish) aesthetic. What it spawns from is something very simple. GW want to get as much money out of you as possible, for the bare minimum effort required, but costed at a premium price that suggests the opposite. Essentially they want you to think they are artisans, when really they're something significantly less than that.

Hard-backing army books is completely unnecessary. Its singular purpose is to increase the "value" that they attach to their own produce. In other words, they want it to be more expensive. Will it last longer? It might do, but it only has to last 5 years at most, and if you manage to mangle a paperback in that amount of time, you'll mangle a hard-back just as quickly.

Marketing resin as a quality product, rather than a cheap alternative to metal is similarly an effort of saving money on their part. An awful lot, as it turns out. Made doubly worse by the fact that they're trying to save said money on a new material, based on the possibility that the previous material might get more expensive. Not only are they saving money, they decided to fool the gaming community into concluding it offers better detail and thus can charge you even more for a material that is incredibly brittle and fragile.

There's then to consider that GW hire the likes of Matthew Ward to do their writing. The guy who writes like how a staffer is trained to sell you things. It certainly isn't artistic, or even good. But it doesn't need to be. It is GW's aesthetic for 40k which is best summed up by the phrase "OMG OMG! ZOMG THIS IS AWESOMES! HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE THE AWESOMES! ITS AWESOMES!"

The point is that ultimately it is easier for GW (and more profitable) for them to sell you something that is fundamentally flawed, but appealing enough that you are willing to put up with it, than it is to try and make a very high quality product. I might be inclined to say "good luck to them" if they did anything other than charge a premium price for a mediocre service, but that is precisely what they do.

Still, there must be something about the aesthetic, right? Something about it surely matters? Well of course it does. It's actually more important than the gaming companies even realise. It is also a bit more temperamental than they realise. Some gimmicks actually fail, not because they are ugly, but because they try to oversell the aesthetic.

I've already discussed how Rackham did this previously, with Confrontation: Age of Ragnarok, that took completely aesthetic changes that alienated its customers. Charging people more for something they will do anyway (i.e. assemble and paint their miniatures) is a particularly bad move, and the move was so bad that Rackham, a company with some promise, ultimately folded.

Still, before they did, Rackham made some of the most beautiful miniatures in the entire industry. My Top 16 Wargaming Miniatures sports 3 examples from one system. I think I can say without fear of contradiction that the majority of gamers are in it for the pretty miniatures. I'm not going to call them toy soldiers. They fundamentally are, in the same way that the Mona Lisa is a college art project.

Aesthetics are wonderful things. They are the visuals that attract. But a hobby needs to be far more than that, because it encompasses the talent and hard work of the people who support it, so you need to keep up with those people. No matter how big you think your company is, you ignore them at your peril. Because they're going to make your job more rewarding, but considerably harder:

Every release you work on, they will expand in the time that you work on other things. Every story you write, they will fold out into a saga. Every miniature you make, they will make it look better. Every rule you write, will be analysed, re-written and stream-lined. Every faction you create, they will develop them a hundred-fold. If you think they need your help to remotely be creative, you might find you've blinked and found yourself out of your depth.

Chaos: Or why you shouldn't bother converting

2011-11-07T22:11:00.000-08:00

Sigh. I keep neglecting this blog. But not to worry, I'm going to keep going. So I thought it would be nice to start with a controversial one, whilst I'm still in a suitably irritated mood.

The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that Chaos players are living in a dream world. Not that this is a bad thing, considering that if you didn't, you'd be like me, an Ex-Chaos player. Because if you work hard enough, you can convince not only yourself, but also other people that Chaos are a really cool faction in 40k.

This is what gets me, because if you read the current Codex, you'd be forgiven for wondering why.

It isn't just as the demotivator above says; the Chaos Codex isn't just outdated, it was pretty terrible when it was first released. It had a few competitive things within it, such as the Lash, Daemon Princes remain fairly nasty, and some units got much needed improved stats (Plague Marines and Berzerkers to name two). But ultimately what is missing from the Chaos Codex is the whole, umm, Chaos bit.

It was particularly obvious back then, when the new Codex came out, replacing the previous one that offered tonnes of options in the way that 4th Edition Codexes did at the time. 4th Ed Chaos may well have been the best Codex of that edition; offering tonnes of options, themes and at the same time, making a lot of the myriad legions of chaos possible and attractive as an army choice.

The previous Codex had a section devoted purely to God Specific wargear, god-specific army builds (that rewarded you for being true to your favourite god) and also legion specific rules, allowing you to build the likes of Iron Warriors, Word Bearers, etc. Considering the fluff has always stated that the Chaos Gods are supposed to hate each other, one-god forces are supposed to be fairly practical, you'd think.

The wargear was considerable and varied. They were noticeably Chaotic, setting themselves aside from other factions (such as marines) to a considerable extent. It was possibly too good, because it offered such potential, in spite of having a pretty mediocre existing miniatures range, that much like the Old Orks, it really encouraged the modelling and converting that Chaos soon became famous for.

It was also around this time that pretty much every Chaos player rocked an absolutely awesome Chaos lord, with their own character and abilities. When the new Chaos Codex rolled along, Chaos players found their options drastically reduced, the loss of Daemons (anyone telling you that page of generic "Summoned Daemons" are actually Daemons are lying) and an extreme overuse of Special Characters and gimmicks throughout the codex, and space marines.

Space Marines are to be expected, sure, but the problem is that's all the current Codex actually is. This is 5th Edition after all. We have grown to expect the gimmicks, because that's what 5th is all about, the same goes for the over-prominence of Special Characters. But you have to try very, very hard to make bland Space Marines. Which was proven when every other power armoured Codex that has rolled along since has made Chaos' "Marked Units" look so utterly quaint and pointless.

Marked Units were essentially GW's way of adding "Chaos" to the Codex, aside of the Lash and Special Characters. Take away those and you pretty much have a very generic and unimaginative Space Marines Codex. But although Chaos Space Marines are Space Marines, they used to be so much more than that. For a start, you could actually tell the difference, you could manifest the fruits of that schism on the tabletop.

Putting it simply, we had the Axes of Khorne, Kai Guns, interesting Daemon Weapons, Daemonic upgrades, special powers, and actual Chaos vehicle upgrades. What do we have now? Regular Space Marine options. Power Weapons, Lightning Claws, Power Fists. For vehicles, it's Dozer Blades, Extra Armour, Smoke Launchers etc. Fine, that's cool and everything, but if I wanted just those things I could take them very easily in a loyalist Marine force. Even the 3rd Edition Dark Angels, Black Templars and Blood Angels Codexes managed to do that whilst adding in a few unique things. The current Codex offers the Lash, and the rather disappointing Daemon Weapon.

Back in 4th Ed, pretty much every other Chaos player had a Possessed Dreadnought. I had one with the Khornate vehicle upgrade (Destroyer), and it cost me an awful lot of money to make it (see the results above, cost me about £60-70 at the time). Now you can possess tanks, but not Dreadnoughts. Why? The worst of it is that Marines followed fairly swiftly after the rules change and the loyalists got 3 different types of Dreadnought, all cooler than the Chaos version.

Independent Characters also suffered. In my time as a Chaos player, I made no fewer than 10 Chaos Lord/Lieutenant models. Of those models, a pathetic two of them remained WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get) when the new Codex came out, due to awkward upgrade and options placement, and the removal of any sanity with regards to allotting wargear in any Codex in the whole of 5th Edition, and as 6th Edition rears its disgusting face it shows no signs of returning.

It highlighted a fundamental problem with the new options layout: it was far too dogmatic, making some fairly logical and popular weapon options completely impossible. Being forced to take a gun of some form has caused many 40k players who remember 40k before 5th Edition to pull their hair out and chuck their lavishly built and converted models against the walls of GW "Hobby Centres".

What made that pill so difficult to swallow was that there are a few Chaos Special Characters that have two close combat weapons, or at least weapons that were impossible to even get close to with the current options. There's Abaddon of course, but the worst offender is the new Red Corsairs character Huron Blackheart. His weapon options are incredibly cool, but in contrast to the regular Chaos Lord, he's offensively cool.

The options for building Chaos Lords is barely any different to that of any Space Marine Hero. This becomes even worse when you consider that he usually ends up being more expensive for a lot less advantages. Aside of marks, the only option of difference is the Daemon Weapon, which is a problematic, occasionally useful upgrade at best. The Khorne Variation is slightly more practical than the previous Berserker Glaive, but very likely to do absolutely nothing when you need it more than ever.

What the current codex made me realise is that Chaos just isn't Chaos without oodles of interesting rules and wargear. The Chaos Codex as it stands lacks both. It has a handful of gimmicks to make up for it, such restrictive options as to be offensive to anyone who takes the effort to model unique Chaos Models for their army, and highlights a fundamental problem that GW has only exacerbated in recent years.

Warhammer 40,000 is changing in tone. There was a time, when Loyalist Space Marines were depicted as usually on the receiving end of bitter defeat. Most of their endings were bittersweet, being pyrrhic victories at best. It was common to show Space Marines facing death, bravely, but facing a ultimately (and usually subtle) futile outcome. This vision has been slowly changing, most likely as an effort by GW to simplify 40k for their rather youthful target audience (despite the fact that this target audience has loved 40k as it was for at least a decade or so anyway), and give clear messages about good guys and bad guys.

The dark and depressing future is being replaced with one where Space Marines are ridiculously awesome. Grey Knights barely registering a shrug, before easily resisting the taint of chaos and rendering it asunder as if they're a badly scripted 80s B-Movie action hero. Now personally, I'd rather have the bleak and depressing side. It is to many 40k fans (the actual fans, not those arseholes who like winning more than getting laid) its best feature.

Chaos has suffered from this for a while, usually being utilised as the designated bad guy of choice, and doing pretty much every villain cliché in the book. Abaddon takes it to the extremes, with the Black Crusade campaign being almost as disastrous as an exercise as the Warhammer Fantasy Storm of Magic campaign, for pretty much the same reasons: bad writing.

[Side Rant: You know GW hands out a lot of bad writing, when fans of 40k talk endlessly about how awesome Dan Abnett is. He is indeed a good writer, but he is being horrendously overrated. It isn't his fault, its the rest of the company that he's being compared to. With the likes of Matt Ward writing Codex fluff, Dan Abnett could be the reincarnation of Shakespeare by comparison. As it stands, he's a fairly consistent and solid writer. GW has one. Him. That's pretty much all there is to it.]

During the campaign, Abaddon managed to fit in some pretty bad Dick Dastardly-esque cackles of villain-ness, and then manage to fail rather spectacularly, being upstaged by the Deceiver, who's force of origin (Necrons) most likely played very little part in the actual campaign.

Chaos used to be particularly deep, with lots of very interesting depth and disturbingness. Now they seem to be pretty much "We're mean because we are", and I'm sure one could be led to wonder why they worship those Chaos Gods, because it makes bugger all difference. Unless of course you're a Daemon. But you can thank Matt Ward for that. I still haven't forgiven him, but at least now, looking back at all those people who said I was over-reacting and that Ward would turn out to be a boon for the company, that I was mostly right. He's been a boon alright. Managed to doom the company in the long run though.

I would like to demonstrate this decay of Chaos with a singular example: Khorne. There is more to it, but Khorne shows it off far more easily, and as a long-suffering ex-servant of the Blood God, I happen to have noticed the change very distinctively.

In the game, we have lost a lot of distinctiveness. The Axe of Khorne has disappeared. It was essentially a power weapon, but it was different enough to be interesting. If it is more or less just a regular power weapon, then all your Chaos Champion or Lord is becomes little more than a palette swap of a loyalist marine. Likewise there is no God specific vehicle upgrade (the Destroyer) so all you can really do is paint it red and make it look nasty, but there are vehicles in loyalist marine books that have actual character to them and a uniqueness. The Chaos offering in the current Codex was never even remotely distinct as a "Chaos" vehicle.

This is the issue, Chaos are Chaos in name only.

In balance, I should add that Berserkers have a unique statline that is far more suitable to what they should be, but it came at the cost of a lot of interesting and unique (if obvious) wargear options. Berserkers are still a popular choice, but there became no reason to take more than a unit of them. To the cynically inclined, one can begin to wonder if the Chaos Codex (like the Daemon one after it) was an exercise in dissuading One-God forces and encouraging players to take multiple-god forces, which are usually a particularly bad looking colour scheme concept, and a good reason why Chaos of any kind is seldom seen on the gaming table.

But by far the worst affect on Khorne (and Chaos in general) was the degradation of the background fluff from deep, disturbing and interesting to simplified, trite and cliché. The best example of this is how Kharne the Destroyer managed to help shape the stereotypical representation of Khorne, through the deterioration of vocabulary.

Chaos used to have some particularly fine quotes and interesting arguments in the old days. Such as this quote from page 77 of the 2nd Edition Codex Imperialis:

"Though the gates that stand between the mortal world and the immortal Realm of Chaos are now closed to me, still I would rather die having glimpsed eternity than never to have stirred from the cold furrow of mortal life. I embrace death without regret as I embraced life without fear." Kargos Bloodspitter, Champion of Khorne

If we contrast this with those who follow Khorne in the newer books:

"UH DURR... BLOOD FOR BLOOD GOD!!!!11111" Kharne the Copycat, random Berzerker

Kharne used to be an exception. Granted, all Khorne followers (especially Berzerkers) are homicidal lunatics, but it was only really Kharne who was that batshit mental. He added to Chaos decay by making sure his epithet was doubly suitable by dooming his entire brethren to 1-sentence vocabularies. Whilst a blood-crazed loon sensing blood in a soon unfolding battle has a certain poetic charm, applying it entirely to every follower of Khorne (or at least every World Eater) is a little much, really.

Chaos used to be so interesting and diverse, before they all became clichés of themselves. The best story I ever read about Chaos is still the one from pages 78-80 of the 2nd Edition Wargear book entitled Dark Communion. The story is merely about a Chaos lord using a technique for storing his favourite memories, but it is a mix of good sci-fantasy writing and actually being incredibly interesting. It was written by one of GW's old writers called Bill King. Memories of his work is one of the main reasons why I wonder why everyone loves Abnett so much.

Ultimately, the state of Chaos makes me question why anyone but the most ardent of fans would actually bother with Chaos. It's doubly sad because people do, because Chaos are awesome simply by conception and basic aesthetic alone, so it truly highlights how poor GW's writing is that they can completely and utterly fail to do the merest of fan expectation justice. It isn't a question of how Chaos got screwed up, but more of how GW actually managed to. Given that lots of Chaos players still stick with their forces and continue to make amazing models shows that they totally deserve to get something resembling an amount of effort on the part of GW's writing team (I'm still both surprised and disappointed that this Codex was written by both Gav Thorpe and Alessio Cavatore. They really were phoning this in).

It depresses me to conclude, much in the way of the Orks when they finally received an update, that it will be something short of a miracle if it even comes close to justifying the hard work and continued determination of Chaos players, and even if it does manage to do some of this, it will massively fall short, much like the Ork Codex did, and that's your best case scenario, from a better time, and more talented writers. Considering that was 4th Ed, one can view Phil Kelly in much the same way as Abnett. You'll spot a rose in a dung pile easy enough.

Games and Gameplay Innovation: Part 4: To Refine or Expand

2011-08-15T19:43:00.000-07:00

Introduction

It must be one of the biggest clichés in the Wargaming world, but change occurs on a regular, sometimes constant basis through two particular mediums. The first, which of the two is the least frequent, is refining; the taking of something which exists and tweaking of it to suit whatever needs are required of it. The second, which is far and away the most frequent, is expansion; the adding of new material to an existing work. Both of these are things we all see in many Wargames, and it is most likely the two things we keep the most track of.

There are many reasons for this, but ultimately in the gaming world, not taking notice of such change tends to have negative consequences. It is also hard to miss when a rules system changes, or a new shiny faction comes out, or is reinvented. It affects the entire gaming community, especially if you play GW games.

The contrast between the two is worth noting, as they both have a massive impact on the games we play, and most games vary as to which of the two they do best, if either of them at all. Through the course of this particular post, I'd like to discuss some of what I feel are the successes and failures of games with regards to refining and expanding.

Expansion

It is probably wise to start with expansion, as of the two it is virtually a constant. The way most games are means that you are more likely to see something new than see something existing being fiddled with. Usually, as has been discussed before, new things are often introduced as a sweetener to justify change. GW are particularly infamous for this, relying on new gimmicks to justify a rehash of a old system.

Expansion is something we are used to seeing. Privateer Press even themed whole releases and new books around the concept, with names such as "Escalation" and "Superiority", and introducing "Epic" versions of their Warcaster characters. The reason is as blatant as the naming, most companies up the ante. A lot of Wargaming is built upon tension, and if you keep that aspect building, so too should interest.

Plus, we all get bored, and we want to see our factions improve, evolve and change. Expansion is a common factor, something a wargamer expects. If you are playing a game using miniatures, you expect to see more of them. In Historical wargaming, you can have massive wars to cover, so many different regiments, types of tanks, new innovations and warmachines etc.

Besides, it isn't just miniatures that are expanded upon, but so too are rulesets. New rules come out of playing, new expanded concepts, rules to cover new issues or developments, new scenarios and battle types, new ideas, campaign rules, new unit rules, and so much more.

There was a time when the best example of this was actually Games Workshop. All of their games, WHFB, 40k, LOTR, and all the specialist games would get new rules and expanded ideas that were frequently published in magazines. Some were submitted by fans, but others were developed. This occurred to such an extent that people started actively hating White Dwarf because it no longer featured new rules, or any article that was remotely doing anything other than excusing the White Dwarf from being a catalogue that you pay for.

GW had a golden age that they no longer explore. The trouble with expansion, of course, is that it leads to imbalance within rulesets, especially if you don't develop all factions equally. Privateer Press has for a time, managed to avoid this, but trying to expand on the number of factions may bring a detriment to this.

By far the worst example of excess that I can think of is Confrontation. That was a game that swelled to the very edges with a massive excess amount of rules, which it tried to manage in an incredibly complex fashion. There was no way you could remember the 7 or so pages of abilities within the book, let alone the myriad of incredibly complex turn aspects.

Refining

Mentioning confrontation leads me to refining. A Wargaming producer's constant struggle is that of managing everything into a cohesive and balanced system (apart from GW, who just want you to know what edition it is). What keeps people playing games is the challenge, and the social interaction. The best way to facilitate both is to make sure your system runs smoothly.

Refining is what makes the difference between a good game and a great game. Some games try to bypass this with gimmicks (40k, WHFB) or polish (Confrontation, 40k, WHFB) but the mark of a really good system is the ability to make things work within a well-defined system.

Privateer Press have even being struggling with this of late, but for me, Warmachine and Hordes represents a very good example of a refined system. PP knows what works, and what their game is. Anyone who plays it can be under no illusions of what the game is about, or how it is played. I learnt more or less the entirety of how to play Warmachine the first time I played it. I am still learning about Warhammer and Warhammer 40,000 every single day that goes by.

The difference is the strength of the ruleset. Warmachine and Hordes has a very well-defined system. Other rules adhere to the existing rules. So whilst a rule or unit might be new to you, how it interacts with the system is something you are most likely familiar with. In contrast, with the likes of 40k, you don't know, because so many rules contradict, or outright re-write the core rules, so you are often faced with the question of what is intended, without being able to logically determine it. Pretty much all of GW's FAQ documents are far too short, and will never be full enough for their fans. If they had refined the system into one where all rules share a unified concept, they wouldn't have to.

Even a refined system needs explaining, but the difference is one of confidence. If your system does its job, the rules are interpreted more smoothly, and people have more time to enjoy playing a game.

To Refine or Expand

Related to this is how one decides to expand or refine. In rules terms, you need to be able to decide when to add more, simplify, or to completely redefine. You also need to know when is the right time to apply either of those three (for an example of how not to do this, compare two editions of any GW game). Rules that are clunky need either to be simplified or redefined. You certainly shouldn't expand on such a concept if the original concept doesn't really work.

You could be easily led to the question of which is more important, and the answer is that they are all equally important. You should always refine and expand. You should never be afraid to add too much to a system, merely too little. People know what they want out of a game, so additional optional rules should always be welcome; the only issue is finding an appropriate place to introduce them. GW books such as Cityfight, Planetstrike, Apocalypse and the recent Storm of Magic are all very good examples of how to appropriately add more potential options to a game. GW most likely peaked with the Specialist Games website, and Fantasy's General's Compendium.

People are always looking to try new things and add more to their experience. In that situation refining becomes increasingly difficult. But ultimately if you know what requires refining, it isn't as difficult as it seems. It is the integrity of the fundamental core system, and the balance of individual factions that requires refining. Expansion beyond that will always attract the audience that wants it, and trust me, they will make such things work.

The biggest travesty to any Wargame is to take away expanded ideas, and an even bigger travesty is to not even refine what aught to be refined. If you want the best example of this, seek out your nearest Games Workshop. You'll find 3 particularly horrific examples.

TWC's Top 16 All-Time Favourite Wargaming Miniatures

2011-07-20T22:37:00.000-07:00

Every now and then people tell you they wargame because of the game. The system, they say, is what they play for; which of course is wargaming shorthand for “I can make brutal lists and always win”. You ignore these people, if you’re not one of them, anyway. If you’re anything like me, the main reason you wargame is that you like pretty toy soldiers.

Of course, what you do with them when you get them varies, not everyone made VROOM VROOM noises when they played Krash or Dark Future, but everybody knew that the games wouldn’t be much without the toy cars to push around. Although with those games you tended to need better-looking cars. Then you needed to train your voice so that your V8 Interceptor sounded better than your riveted Cadillac...

Wargaming Miniatures (which of course is wargaming shorthand for “Toy Soldiers, pew, pew, pew! BANG! Argh!”) are a massive appeal, and over the many decades that they have existed, there have been lots of very aesthetically pleasing ones. Let’s face it; it’s the main attraction, really. The only reason I bought the board game Descent is so I could unpack and categorise all the goodies in the box.

Below is my Top 16 list (I couldn’t get it down to 15, never mind 10). It is a summarised version of my Top 25 “short-list” (that’s one thing it isn’t), which was shortened from a list of over 50 miniatures. I should note this is my list of “favourites”, or as close as I can get to it from games I have played in my time, and is limited (with a couple of exceptions) to miniatures I own or have owned. Some were eliminated from the list because I don’t own them, or because I wanted a fairly equal spread. Once I start up a few other games, the list would most likely change, so the reason it is a Top 16 is so I can at least mention Dystopian Wars and Malifaux.

On some occasions I’ve cheated, mentioning multiple models, but we’re not all perfect are we, and that’s your problem, and you’ll have to deal with it. ;)

They are of course, in descending order of preference, or audacity, I can’t remember which.

[Yes, I have been reading Cracked recently.]

16. beakie Tactical Squad [Warhammer 40,000 3rd Edition, Games Workshop]

Let’s start with something I think could actually make a place in a list of the best miniatures of all time. As a 26 year old Wargamer who has been gaming for about 17 years; I’ve had about 17 years too much exposure to beakies. But as someone who was first introduced to 40k during 2nd Edition, I had a number of beakie units, and I hated assembling them all. Every time someone complains about how annoying current GW miniatures are to assemble, I immediately think of those sodding plastic arms that you somehow had to attach bolters to, or metal heavy weapons, in such a way that they actually looked good.

I failed constantly.

Still, I was rather fond of them, but when 3rd Edition rolled along, and I saw the new plastic tactical squad, I (and probably every other gamer my age) completely forgot about every single beakie model I had seen before that. Compared to the previous ones, they were absolutely amazing, and to this day I still have no idea how GW came up with them at that time.

Ironically I only ever had one box of them. But that was the thing; I didn’t need them. My beakie army swiftly became combat orientated. The reason for that was the absolute avenue of choice that was opened up, based upon a foundation that was set by that one squad, from which all Beakies pretty much to this day originate.

I know we often blame the kiddies for beakie’s popularity, but GW really couldn’t have helped it, I don’t think. The whole of 3rd Edition made 40k a resounding success and a household name, and I think that one Tactical Squad was mostly responsible for it. It certainly killed any chance of Dark panzee doing well. Let’s face it, the Tactical Squad was selling 40k Boxed Sets single-handedly. The Landspeeder was pretty much a mess, and Dark panzee were massively unpopular (although only having the warriors in the boxed set sealed their fate).

Although the Tactical Squad box has since been refined, and added to (and had stuff removed if my friend speaks the truth), it hasn’t quite had the impact it had back then. These days we take for granted that Beakies could be put together and easily look awesome. In 2nd Ed the only thing that looked impressive was the bits of your finger stuck to the godawful “cupped hand of uselessness”. What the hell was he supposed to hold in it, a bag of frikkin’ marbles?

So there you have it, don’t blame little timmies for the popularity of the beakies – blame the beakies.

15. Aenur, Sword of Twilight [Mordheim, Games Workshop]

Aside of being the only Non-Dark Elf GW has produced that I have ever liked (without converting it first), it could be argued that Aenur is likely the most-painted wargaming miniature of all time. Those of you youths out there will wonder, “Why, were they giving it away?”

Well, yes, more or less, they were.

UK White Dwarf 228 had it as a free miniature. That’s right, a free metal miniature. Naturally, you could still buy it, although these days it is rather pricey. Not surprising actually, because it is bloody gorgeous. The Sword in particular is magnificent yet understated, and that cloak, which I don’t think GW has ever topped.

If you search the Internet, you’ll find lots of versions of it painted, as naturally it is the sort of miniature you just paint, you just do.

I think part of the reason is you can tell a whole story based upon that miniature from a single glance. I still view it as Mordheim’s swansong, as I desperately try to remove the visage of the Shadow Warriors and Carnival Chaos from my mind... with a rusty razor.

14. The Atlanteans [Dystopian Wars, Spartan Games]

I have been looking very eagerly at Dystopian Wars, ever since I heard about it. As will become obvious throughout this article, I love steampunk. I’ve been reading Victorian literature since I was in my early teens for pleasure and educational purposes, so Steampunk wasn’t a huge jump for me. I even listen to Steampunk music, because it is awesome.

I also vaguely flirted with Battlefleet Gothic, but found it flawed. I’ve been waiting for a game that actually did the whole Epic and BFG thing properly, and it looks like my prayers have been answered. At the very least those miniatures are absolutely stunning, truly showing off the power of CAD sculpting. Not only does this game have a cool aesthetic, its success likely means that Spartan Games’ other game Firestorm Armada will eventually look as nice, meaning if you did want spaceship battles, you can actually enjoy it without selling your kidneys for it, and then having to watch the panzee or tin'eads urinate on your fleet.

I’ve liked parts of most of the factions on display for Dystopian Wars, even some of the American things (they have a massive walker called the John Henry. Yeah), but up until now I’ve mostly only warmed to the Prussians (I love airships and pointy objects) and then I saw the Atlanteans…

The concept is just so damn original. I mean sure, it’s based on Verne in particular, but they look so different, yet recognisable at the same time. I truly have to thank the Podcast All Along The Watchtower for getting me even more interested in the game, and for alerting me to the incoming Atlanteans. As they said in the podcast, the drones do look a bit like penises, but if you avoid skin tones for your colour scheme you should be all right.

I could go on for ages about Dystopian Wars as a concept, but the obvious thing to discuss is the ridiculously amazing detail, in resin, at a reasonable cost. Just take a look at that GW. [i]That’s how you actually do it[/i].

13. The Red Gobbo [Gorkamorka, Games Workshop]

Well, as obvious choices go, this is right up there. If anyone actually wondered why the artwork for the Red Gobbo is in my avatar, I would have hoped it would be obvious, really.

Those who know me well know I have a bit of an affinity for Grots. It comes mostly from the fact that I loved Gorkamorka, and loved the idea of the Rebels. Any self-respecting Rebel player has that model (or at least did in the 90s) and it is, as far as I’m concerned, the single most stunning Gretchin model ever sculpted. The fact they discontinued it, the bile I could utter about that travesty wouldn’t begin to cover the sheer horrendous crime against grotdom that it is. At least they had the wit to keep it longer than the rest of the Rebel Grot range (apart from the regular Grots).

The Red Gobbo is from a past age, when the effort plunged into all of GW’s games was positively monumental. You might not have liked the results, but you knew they tried. A Specialist Games enthusiast can most likely tell you based upon miniatures (or an entire redux in Necromunda: Underhive) when GW stopped giving a crap. Unfortunately Gorkamorka never succeeded enough to reach that stage of ultimate failure, and as a result most of the range that was left behind is actually as collectable as most of the Necromunda range.

A honourable mention goes to the entire Rebel range, particularly the vehicles. The metal Grots were so good the new plastics were made to fit in with them. Those were all from Gorkamorka, and they still look amazing. The vehicles, the Big Lugga and the Cutta are iconic in concept, and the ship-like motif is something I’ve expanded on for that Rebel Grot Codex I’ve been writing for Blakkreaper’s Clanz Projekt.

The only downside to the Gobbo was his staff. Although great looking, it always snaps off. Although oddly enough I have found both of the ones I lost for both my Red Gobbo models. Unfortunately one of the two is converted, ones is for GoMo (on GoMo bases, not 40k ones), so I lack one for 40k. Until I buy some instant mould ;)

Viva Da Revulushun, ya Gitz!

12. Skaven Doomwheel [Warhammer, Games Workshop]

Well, I was actually on about the one from 5th Edition, but as the new one is also very pretty, and I want one (plus finding a picture of the old one was a sodding pain), so it’s not too bad of a violation of the rules I made for myself now, is it.

There are miniatures that can say a lot about you, about what kind of person, or gamer you are. Some of it is your taste, but some of it is also a little more sophisticated than that. If you played Warhammer fantasy at any point, the miniatures you had in your army was essentially a sliding scale of images that ranged from Cheddar to Stilton. Or baby-eating if you’re a Dwarf player.

If you took a Doomwheel in 5th Edition fantasy, it informed the opposing player that they should be very scared of you. Because then they instantly knew that you were above it all, that you didn’t care whether you won or lost, you had a Doomwheel, and it was going to kill things. Probably Skaven models, but your opponents always dreaded the day that the Engineer on the top wiped his goggles, because when he did, your opponent could have had all the best parts of the magic deck, the cheesy magic items, and Chaos Warriors he liked, he was still doomed.

Models like the Doomwheel represent pure insanity. They represent the exact opposite of the things I love to hate about this hobby: mathshammer, statistics, reliable/effective/viable units. The Doomwheel is the sort of thing you take when your hobby is mostly about beating your opponent to killing your own army. I’ll race you to defeatism…

You win.

There’s just something about Skaven. Their machinations, like they are in the fluff are absolutely better than everything else in the world that they exist, if only they didn’t have treacherous tendencies. I’m the kind of person who watched Wacky Races and concluded that Dick Dastardly won anyway.

Also, monowheels are cool. Crazed contraptions are better, and crazed rats riding crazed contraptions really resonates complete coolness.

11. The Orks of 2nd Edition [Warhammer 40,000, Games Workshop]

I have a confession to make. People often wonder why I have an army of Grots. It’s because I’m not really a big fan of modern Orks. I’m a 2nd Edition Ork fanboy. From then on, with the minor fluff exception of Andy Chamber’s absolutely awesome Anzion articles (although actually most of them are technically from Gorkamorka, not the 3rd Ed Codex), it has all been pretty downhill from there, really.

I still really love Orks, but I was never a big fan of the added crudity and angry-beast syndrome that overly simplified the Orks and made 40k revolve around They Shall Know No Fear and Fearless rules for about twenty billion editions. Even the models, they are still characterful, but when you contrast them with the character of the old Orks, they look positively monochrome.

My favourite model is Zodgrod Wortsnagga, the model most people know as “That cool Slaver/Runtherd model”. It is the kind of model that makes me cry inside. I look at what the Orks were, and what they have become, and know that when I come to use it, and to finally finish my Madboyz army with all the greenstuffed hair and crazed hats, expressions and demented things, I’m going to get comments in real life, and on this forum about how Orks don’t look like that and are bald, and can only have topknots.

Every time I see a RT/2nd Ed Ork army in the Mek’s Garage or Trophy Rack, I seethe with envy. I would love to have that many awesome looking Orks. Still, I have most of my favourites, Ghazghkull and Makari, the Goff Rockers, Zodgrod, the old SAG (somewhere) and recently, 2 of the 3 Tinboyz. I plan to use most of them, and I’m already working on making more Tinboyz and Rockers.

10. Wyrd Miniatures [Malifaux, Wyrd Miniatures]

I liked Wyrd Miniatures before Malifaux was out, and I am currently cursing my horrendous poverty that I can’t buy absolutely every flipping thing they’ve made. I haven’t wanted pretty much every model in an entire range since Rackham still had stuff that was actually worth buying.

As mentioned earlier, I love Steampunk, and anything a little bit off the wall, especially if it twists popular, cultural, historical or mythological images into something vaguely different. Wyrd does this, it seems, on a daily basis. They are also the only company, since GW in the 90s to realistically get the idea of what Terrain is supposed to do, and how to design it so people can realistically, you know, use it, with wargaming bloody miniatures.

The first models to grab my attention were the Witchling Stalkers, but so much of the range is actually collectable, as well as amazingly being fit into an interesting system. Characters such as Pandora, the Mad Hatter, War, and Death, are amazing, twisted, and, well, Wyrd. There is much promise in this company, if it keeps going at this rate. And, of course, it uses proppa metal. Not cheap, overpriced resin.

9. Varghar, Limited Edition Wolfen [Confrontation 3, Rackham]

The first Rackham entry, it was only really a matter of time. It should be noted in my first list of over 50 miniatures, about half of them were Rackham models, and I hadn’t even included the Rackham models I never got a chance to actually own. So if you ever wondered why every Confrontation player in the entire planet spends most of their time in a GW store going “Meh” you are about find out a small amount about why this is.

Wolves. Ah yes, now there’s an image that can resonate. I’ve seen lots of Wolfy things in popular culture over the years, not least the actual Space Wolves, but I’ve not quite seen anything as impressive as the Rackham Wolfen.

I’m sure most of us have some kind of monstrously large creatures in our collection, things from troll/ogre size to the odd dragon and such. Rackham is the only company I have ever known to devote the detail you would expect from a tiny character model into a 55mm+ figure, and still be vaguely affordable, or designed to actually use in wargames. The Wolfen are Ogre sized, and you’re not wanting for detail, not at all.

There are of course a few really nice massive ones, their Cynwall Dragon, Midnor Daemon Tower, and the absolutely massive and disgustingly beautiful Ogre Cyclops (all of which can be easily googled), which were fairly expensive, but utterly beautiful, and I would have happily bought all of them if I had the money. They are the kind of models that, after being in a GW where some Staffer is trying to hype me into loving the Storm of Magic monsters, his face rather drops a bit when I mention the lack of detail, and the typically make-or-break GW paintwork cover-up attempt to hide it. He may wonder why this is. The one-worded answer is "Rackham".

Varghar is one of many beautiful Wolfen (Onyx, the Prowler and Predators of Blood in particular) and was a limited edition model, based on the front cover artwork of the Confrontation 3 rulebook, and managed to be more beautiful than the artwork. Only the French could pull that off. They don’t always, mind you, because Rackham’s artwork also tends to be outstanding, to the point that I bought Griffin’s Garrell the Redeemer based on his artwork picture, and was deeply disappointed.

I don’t know why I wrote so much, just look at the picture.

8. VASA Viper Wings [Void 1.1, I-Kore]

I miss Void. Mostly because I don’t remember much about it, other than me and a few friends mercilessly looting a lot of their models to use in our own systems, although we did play a bit of Void from time to time.

I-kore were the first company I encountered that produced miniatures for bikes that didn’t look like they were bricks with wheels, and made me realise that bike models could actually look extremely nice. The riders were a little bland in style, and those bikes ALWAYS fell over, but they were just utterly beautiful, and the riders didn't distract you from the appealing lines of the bikes. Of all the original Void range, they still stick out to me as the most beautiful ones.

It was a shame about Void really, because there were lots of beautiful models in that range, the Syntha and VASA tended to be the main ones, but I-kore succeeded, in the 90s, in making absolutely stunning and interesting sci-fi miniatures. These days, I actually wish I’d spent my money on Void miniatures rather than all that money I wasted on GW. I’d actually be happy to still have those models. I’ve not looked at my Beakies, or my Chaos, since I shoved them in a corner to collect dust.

Gaming truly isn’t everything.

7. Legion of Everblight Carnivean [Hordes, Privateer Press]

The first time I saw Everblight, I knew I’d get them. They looked like a Dragon and Daemon had shagged for a fortnight. Nothing else could be quite as awesome as that mental image.

...

Just me? Okay then...

The first time I saw the Carnivean, my jaw was sore for about 3 months afterwards. I have two of them, and they are as awesome in the game as they look. Any doubts I may have had about Hordes at the time were put to rest with a handful of models. The Carnivean is so awesome; that the Everblight range still hasn’t topped it, and it’s the one you get in the Everblight starter set.

A name I often horrendously misspell (and probably have done so again) is to thank for this beauty. One Felix Paniagua, you know, the guy responsible for Avatars of War. Yeah, him. Now you know why it looks so damn awesome.

I play Everblight mostly to put that model on the table, and I do so with horrific amounts of glee.

6. Lanyssa Ryssyll, Nyss Sorceress [Iron Kingdoms, Privateer Press]

I’m sure we all have at least one model in our model collections that we bought just because we saw it and we wanted it so bad we simply had to have it. I get the sensation a lot, but I still get blown away by the beauty of this model. I do have a soft spot for Elves with a Darker ilk to it (especially Drow) but I must sadly report that I believe this is the only Elf model that PP has made that is any good.

You can now use the model in Hordes, if you’re an American, but I have still yet to decide if the best of Privateer Press is behind them. Even though I collect Everblight, I am quite disappointed with PP’s Elves since Lanyssa, and well, the models I feel, aren’t as good as they were, and the rules, questionable. Still, PP is worthy enough to be giving Games Workshop some serious competition, and one hopes they at least learn from [i]some[/i] of GW’s pitfalls.

5. Ira Tenebrae [Confrontation 3, Rackham]

Every now and then you find models that simply strike a chord with you, and they have potentially life-changing (or wallet emptying) consequences. The Ira Tenebrae got me into Confrontation single-handedly. Aside of the fact that I love Latin; I bought a blister of 3 of the most stunning models I have ever seen for £9. For the three. No, really. At the same time, you could buy that bloody Captain Corteaz model for the same price. [i]There’s some perspective for you[/i].

I suggest googling these models. See if you can find some pictures of the back of them, because a look at the front alone does not do them justice. At the back, they have cloaks, or wings, something like that, [i]of skulls[/i]. It’s absolute insane detail. The kind of thing that makes me laugh every time I hear the pitch for “Finecast”.

In Confrontation, they are Elementals of Darkness, which requires for them to be summoned into the game, which means using the divinity rules. They didn’t get much play, let’s put it that way. But if I had to pick a model that to me had the most lasting impression, I’d pick my favourite of the 3 Ira Tenebrae. I’ve liked one in particular the most since I first saw them. Guess which one.

4. Cryx Harrower Helljack [Warmachine, Privateer Press]

The Harrower is by far my favourite Warjack in the entirety of Warmachine. When I started Warmachine, I loved the Leviathan Helljack (Cryx call their large Warjacks Helljacks, and the Light Warjacks are Bonejacks), but found it rather understated compared to the other Helljacks. The Harrower resolutely solved my problem. It is wonderfully overstated, with a BFG and a claw that can put out your own eye, not to mention models on the table.

Never before have I actually loved a model for being a pain to transport, and being a Cryx player, it isn’t as rare a complaint as you might think. Ever since I bought it, I’ve always used it. It’s not the best Helljack out there, but it just radiates awesomeness, and cuts through troops like they’re not there, and a turn later they usually aren’t.

Cryx Warjacks tend to radiate a purely evil and unsavoury aesthetic. Honourable mentions include the Nightmare (which only just failed to get on the 25 shortlist), the Leviathan, the Slayer, and Reaper. Even the smaller “Bone Chickens” Bonejacks are cool looking, although PP ruined the Helldiver with rubbish rules, and to spite them it doesn’t rate in my Top million. Damn you PP. Your Removecontinuouseffectsdiver thing is no Helldiver.

3. Cryx Mechanithralls [Warmachine, Privateer Press]

Mechanithralls are almost my favourite unit in the entirety of wargaming. Steampunk Zombies with Power Fists. It brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “You are already dead”.

I simply love the aesthetic of them, and again, with Warmachine you buy awesome models, and almost always they actually [i]are[/i] awesome. People say Warmachine is only about Warjacks and doesn’t hold a candle to 40k, but in Warmachine, units actually do something other than die. They are all good, and they can all hurt everything else. The amount of Warjacks my 20 mechanithralls have ripped through is simply hilarious.

Plus, for a gamers’ game, Warmachine and Hordes models are really quite stunning. Sure they are getting pretty damn expensive, but unlike 40k you’re not paying a premium without getting something for it. PP’s models look good, and they tend to work very well, in a system that is well written. That makes the models even more attractive. Even in Mk.2.

Warmachine is something that is very much dominated by taste. If none of the limited factions appeal to your tastes, most likely you wont pick it up, but if you do like the aesthetic, chances are you’ll love the game, and adore the models.

If I had but one complaint regarding Mechanithralls, is that there are too few poses. Still, it doesn’t make them any less awesome.

2. Hive Primus and Its Inhabitants [Necromunda, Games Workshop]

This is cheating isn’t it? I know, and I don’t care.

Top X lists need to get bigger and better, so I opted for an entire hive. Because let’s face it, Necromunda is a game of awesome models, at least until some utterly cheap and annoying twerp turns up with plastic guard, and then says something about how he wants to use them as Van Saars because they all have Lasguns, but he has ordered 50 plasma guns on ebay. Then I kill him.

Anyway, Necromunda has always been about cool models. Even before it was called Necromunda, when it was called (ironically in this context) Confrontation, there were lots of interesting models that explored a completely different style and theme within the 40k universe.

Necromunda has many beautiful models, especially the first few waves of gangs and hired guns. The later models although still usually nice enough looking, lacked the depth and scope of the original ones. Don’t get me started on the Redemption and the Ratskins, or GW’s “Sneak Peak” of the Spyrers that they never f***ing changed anyway.

Ultimately though, the best models were actually the terrain. People played Necromunda for the same reason that people played Bloodbowl over the cores. They were complete games, ones that could be set up, enjoyed, and were simple and different enough to keep the thing running to a defined outcome. And they weren’t that pretentious enough to say: “for a good game you need fancy plastic terrain that requires a second mortgage to pay for it”.

If you wanted more variation in your games, you bought more starter sets. It was that simple, and the terrain was interesting enough, and some wonderful features were chucked in by the Outlanders supplement. More to the point, Necromunda is a game you can add to, and if you had no terrain, you could play Ash Wastes instead.

Necromunda just got it right, where Inquisitor was ambitious but rubbish, and Mordheim had massive promise and a great ruleset, but the terrain just failed to live up to it. Seriously, there was better buildings in the MG “Dark Age: Village of Fear” and “Dark Age” board games, and I used them for my Mordheim games. They cost me a lot less than the 40 quid GW were charging for their boxed set at the time.

All attempts to modernise the specialist games failed and I think all non-cores these days are built to fail in the long run, as they inevitably will.

Despite this, I could write a list of favourite miniatures into the hundreds, and I’d be more likely to mention Specialist Games miniatures (mostly Necromunda ones) before 40k, LOTR or Fantasy crept in at any significant quantity.

Particular favourites of mine include the entire range of Delaques (except for the Gang leader with hair), most of the Pit Slaves, the original Scavvy range (Scalies, Karloth Valois and Plague Zombies in particular),all the Wyrd models, the creatures such as the Milliasaurs and rippa jacks, the old Redemption, both ranges of Golaiths, both ranges of Orlocks, and, well the Escher are positively iconic.

Also, did you know the Spyrers were the first introduction of fish'ead (well, their tech) into 40k? Bet ya didn’t know dat one.

1. Sentinels of Danakil [Confrontation 3, Rackham]

Yes well, put simply, I have never seen anything that comes close to these models. They blew my mind away when I saw them, and I still get blown away when I look at them. I have absolutely no criticism for these models. They are as good as gaming models get, and are closer to pure art than anything else, and yet like any fantasy gaming miniature, they are based on a purely awesome concept.

That concept is Sword Axes. That pretty much speaks for itself, doesn’t it.

It’s models like this that made pretty much the entirety of the Confrontation fanbase stop playing Confrontation when Age of Ragnarok came out, with its plastic, overpriced, boring, pre-painted miniatures. The only thing that was good about them was seeing rackham models with paint on them for a change, as I dare not, because I am to the painting fraternity of Wargaming what Matt Ward is to the fraternity of wargaming writers. In other words, I put far too much crap onto models with no particular skill, flair or ability. Just like he does.

If you want the last word on Rackham’s legacy, it can’t hurt to find it on Coolminiornot.com. Rackham metals are the painter’s miniature of choice for showing off ridiculous skill. It isn’t surprising to see why, when you look at the canvass you’re painting on. You just bought a Finecast miniature didn’t you? Kept the receipt did you?

You’ll notice there are no current 40k or fantasy non-plastic miniatures in my top 16, nor are there any in my Top 25, nor my Top 50. Because they just don’t cut it any more, Finecast doesn’t matter, and if it does, it does so for all the wrong reasons.

GW presents Finecast: Because You're Worthless!

2011-06-24T17:14:00.000-07:00

Okay well, everyone else has had something to say on the matter, so why don't I just beat the dead horse for a bit? I was trying to avoid it, but with a blog title called "The Wargaming Cynic" if I allowed the biggest mistake in Wargaming history since Confrontation: Age of Ragnarok to pass me by without even a passing mention in this blog, any hope of ever making this blog actually worth something would be completely pointless.

I've seen many pictures on the internet, and I've seen actual ones in the flesh. Judging from what I've seen, any conclusion taken from it is that at best, Finecast has been horrifically rushed and poorly handled. At worst it is the biggest insult to miniature collectors and gamers in the history of the hobby.

The first alarm bells rang when I saw the name. "Finecast". I already knew GW were moving to resin, but it doesn't matter what you know about GW's "special recipe", resin is cheaper than metal. My first gut reaction was to think how typical it is of Games Workshop to spin their measure (along with their collective ego) out of all proportions.

The public understanding is that resin is a cheaper alternative to metal, and indeed it is. GW would have stuck with metal if this "finecast" endeavour was going to cost them more money. Unfortunately, GW clearly doesn't care if it costs the consumer more money. They like it that way, judging from the unnecessary move to hard-backed WHFB army books (which no doubt will be moved to 40k when 6th Ed comes out).

GW does seem to get off on this idea of adding aesthetic "improvements". The sad thing is, I really don't think the consumer ever asked for them. They are essentially tacked on as a "we want more money from you" tax. There has been an argument that GW just happened to increase prices alongside the move to Finecast. Whether you believe that or not just depends on whether you think GW are scheming greedy bastards or incompetent greedy bastards.

I'm not going to compare models. I really don't need to, because there are many already across the internet. I have bought one Finecast model, and it didn't make it out of the shop. Having read a number of separate cases of horrendous moulding errors and an apparent lack of any quality control, I immediately checked my Tomb Kings Liche Priest (which I was planning on converting for use in Necromunda). I found several bubbles and errors.

I immediately sought a replacement, however the staff member told me how I could easily rectify this. I responded with a question: "Why should I need to?". That had him going for a while, until the responses about how the first wave of castings is bound to run with errors that are still easily fixed. I responded by invoking the name of this abomination: "Your company should have thought about that, before it called something Finecast, and priced it accordingly." He got defensive, and I got quite vociferous, during which time my quest for a replacement became a successful quest for a refund. It had a lot to do with the new customers entering the shop at that time.

It is an important point, but the pill is just too hard to swallow. You have a gimmicky name that is so egotistical and blatantly hiding a quick cost-saving cop-out, that is also the herald of, if not part of a price hike at the same time, yet you have a record amount of "poorly cast" miniatures being marketed at a massive mark-up as "Finecast". No wonder the internet is bursting to the seams with unfavourable references to this product with the pet name of "Fail Cast".

Of course, fanboys have been rushing to defend it lately. Lots of inferences about how GW are still miles ahead of the competition in miniature quality. Hardly. Most of the other companies haven't exactly had the 30 years practice and time to establish and fund their brand, yet by comparison, I don't quite think the comparative time reflects poorly on the other companies, who to some are just as good, if not better. GW's models are certainly nice, but there's a good reason for that. They rip their customers off horrendously.

Especially now that a cheaper material is being marketed as a premium product. The trouble with offering a premium service is that people expect one. You charge more money, and they want the service that comes with it. Do companies think people will view High Definition televisions in the same way as they view other old televisions? Do you think people are going to be happy when those things break? Not on your nelly. The more sophisticated you make it, the more people take notice, and because it cost more, they expect more.

It is at this point that you may be thinking: "But what about Forge World? They produce things in resin at a massive mark-up!", but there are a few issues with that. Firstly, Finecast is mass-produced, Forge World miniatures are cast by hand. Secondly, their quality control is pretty exceptional, and needs to be at such a price range. Thirdly, they produce things that are far greater in detail and quality than what GW usually has to offer.

This is another issue. The apparent "better detail". It is utter rubbish. If there is even a slight of bit of truth to it, it seems a minute difference for such a drastic name change and horrendous price increase. From what I've seen it gives the appearance of more detail by being crisper, and that is all. Having been a Confrontation player for many years now, this claim that resin holds detail any better than resin is a load of hogwash. I've seen better detail on a rackham model than the best forgeworld has to offer. I don't think the material makes a lot of difference with regards to detail.

A greater issue is the quality of the material itself. It seems counter-productive to me, that GW would start introducing hard-backed books, boasting additional resilience, yet move something like 25-50% of their miniature range in a more brittle and less hard-wearing material and then increase prices as well. There's already a few claims about GW's "special resin" (or as the rest of the world knows it: "resin") melting, snapping, and numerous casting issues that you just don't get with metal.

Metal models chip easily when they're dropped, this is true, but resin shatters when it is dropped. Metal models are less flexible, but unlike resin, they don't snap. The difference in painting? Questionable. Certainly you're supposed to clean resin before painting on it. despite this apparently not being needed with GW's finecast range, I'm expecting issues to crop up from time to time for people who don't clean them. Not that you even needed to worry about that with metal.

Resin should offer a saving, either to allow GW to make more money at the same rate or to give their customers a saving. GW opted for neither of those, taking double profit anyway (despite the switch to a cheaper material), so quality drops and the price rises. How predictable are GW? Very. There are other companies making the switch to resin who are offering savings, or in a few cases, extra models for the same price.

What "Finecast" ultimately is, is a cheap piece of optimistic marketing. It is a massive mistake of a horrendous nature, ill-timed amidst other GW issues, such as putting trading restrictions on non-EU countries, and calling internet-based companies "freeloaders". This is from a company that sells cheap, resin miniatures as if they were the greatest advance in gaming history, when they're just cheap models with a gimmicky label, to go with their gimmicky and poorly written games.

As I said, the quality control has been appalling, or else we wouldn't have such a frequency of complaints. The fact that they insist on making ridiculous amounts of cash from countries with their own currency, don't check their new and experimental range for poor quality casts, made from a material that can bubble and melt, and has the nerve to call other companies for offering a competitive service just gives you an indication of the kind of company that GW is.

Games Workshop is a company that doesn't care. All they care about is making loads of money, and they hope their customers are gullible enough to "make do" with an inferior product sold at a premium price. Do yourself a favour. Don't buy it.

And if you absolutely must, don't "make do" with something that isn't justifiably "finely cast" make sure you send it back, for a proper replacement, or a refund. Because GW doesn't deserve your money if they don't even bother trying to earn it.

'Ere We Go! An Introduction

2011-06-11T19:01:00.000-07:00

Well, I thought I'd begin by trumping out the Blogger cliché: Hello again, and I'm back after a brief hiatus. I'd like to continue this cliché by issuing yet another one of my already numerous thread sections. This time I'd like to centre it around my favourite gaming subject: Orks.

A recent comment in the It's a Hard Fluff Life section has caught my interest. I suppose it is fair to say that Orks are my main interest when it comes to Warhammer 40,000. I find them the most dynamic and interesting race in the entire of the 40k canon. There is just something about them, something very visceral and interesting.

Firstly, there's the over-trumped Grimdark setting in which 40k inhabits. Orks sit awkwardly to one side. I've heard arguments how Orks are a parody of themselves, but I find this is something 40k does to itself. Taking things too far, going over the top, is something that you find in 40k, and then there's the friggin' space marines. Who evidently can count to 12, which is one more than 11.

40k itself started as a parody of the Grimdark style, and at some point, both its writers and fans started playing this straight. Throughout it, the Orks have never changed their tune, and have always remained resolutely the same beast, with a crude and simplistic, but workable ethic, and a vicious, but quite affable honesty.

In a wargame, this is such a refreshing approach. In a setting of grim and twisted machinations, one can find the greatest contrast in Orks. It is actually quite funny, because for a setting that sets up not only that war is bad, but that it is also a constant, most other factions are depicted carrying out over-elaborate gambits, ploys and machinations which invariably fail.

Yet of these, the most memorable is the one the Orks created, that of the second and third Armageddon Wars. What we have discovered from this is that Ghaz is using this essentially as practice, and trying his luck against the Imperials. One can get the impression from reading the fluff that Ghazghkull hasn't quite gone all out yet. If you contrast this with Abaddon's Eye of Terror campaign, it is Ghaz who comes across as the sophisticated warlord, and Abaddon who is the redundant B-Movie super-villain.

Orks are an army one cannot completely take seriously, which is both a boon and a bust for Ork players. Generally speaking it means that Orks are often dismissed, or deeply disliked, as not fitting into the grand scale of things, and dismissed as stupid, random and crude. Yet at the same time, your average 40k player even now, despite how powerful the current codex is, deeply underestimate and dislike Orks. Which helps a lot when they think their fancy power armour can do all that much against simple brute force and sheer force of numbers.

The true irony of this as far as the background goes, is that Orks actually work in a dysfunctional universe by nature of their simplistic view. All the other factions are deeply divided by in-fighting or internal politics, yet the Orks just get those out of the way and get on with it. This idea that Orks are too silly for the setting is ridiculous, when you realise the situation IS already silly, and that the situation is a unhealthy setting, and what sets Orks apart is that they alone have the healthy attitude to the setting.

Orks are a hard race to champion. There's always some group who hate them, but then that is true of most 40k races, as invariably, a poor balanced game has an insecure fanbase. However Orks get it just for being stupid. I find this hard to swallow, because there is a big difference between crude, and stupid. You'll find the primary difference is that crude can still work. If you haven't been tabled by an Ork player yet, most likely there's no Ork player where you game. Lucky you.

I love the Orks. In a game that doesn't know what it is any more, that is consumed by power-gaming, poor balancing, horrendously overpriced models, and some of the worst reputations for poor sportsmanship, painting and modelling abilities in a vastly wide-ranging hobby, with a system so bad even the FAQs need FAQing, sometimes you just want everything to shut up for 30 minutes so you can roll some dice, and have fun.

I am yet to find a faction in any wargaming system that does that as well as Orks. Skaven used to, but then 8th Edition arrived. GW obviously don't like it when you have fun. They'll have to try very hard to drill that into Ork players. Orks makes 40k better. We give it more rivets, paint it red and say job's a gud un, and generally you'll find a lot of begrudging GW "fans" who can only endure their crap because they love their greenskins.

Over the course of the next month or so, I'm going to try and write some articles about Orks, greenskins and such. I might even put up some pictures of my models! First however, I'd like to discuss a issue close to my heart, Orks in Fluff. At the same time, I'll unveil my most recent Ork Fluff project: Wurrgitz!

Games and Gameplay Innovation: Part 3: The Issue of Change

2011-02-11T15:46:00.000-08:00

I first started gaming in 1994; the year that D:Ream had topped the UK charts with the song "Things Can only Get Better". As always with the UK, it was an optimistic symbol of hope, that ended up standing for the exact opposite. It ended its short, but increasingly festering career as the theme song for Tony Blair's New Labour election campaign; with a unique performance of the song during their election victory party. So that went well, didn't it? One day I would like to meet the members of D:Ream so I can shout at them for getting my sodding hopes up. I suppose I could clip Howard Jones around the lug at the same time.

The point is, not all change is good. Change is the reserve of the optimist. Now, those who follow this blog regularly will know a particular fact about me. I'm not an optimist.

Change to me invokes several emotions, and one of them is always deep concern. It is something I learnt in part from playing Games Workshop games (whose rules change more often than a schizophrenic leopard in an abattoir), but also because any gamer has emotional and financial concerns with any gaming system.

For the computer gamer, change is annoying, and expensive if you want to change immediately. But the expense generally encountered by a wargamer is significantly larger than this, and can be something of a constant for some gamers.

Especially with GW games, such as 40k and WHFB, where there is an edition change about every 5 years, bringing out a new rulebook (of increasingly significant expense), and at some point during the run of a new edition, every single faction will be treat to a new Army Book or Codex, throughout the run, with a significant amount of new shiny models that most likely you'll want to buy, and in many cases, usually have to.

Change is realistic for any game. You need to keep people buying if you want to further support, but each change runs the risk of undermining your fanbase, their interests, and the whole ethos of the game you wish to promote.

The main problem is, that if you are releasing a new rulebook, it needs to be noticeably different to justify the gamer's expense. If you just change the artwork in it, gamers are going to feel cheated. Every single change you make will impact on the nature of the game that your fans have been buying.

As we have seen in my previous article in this series, this often lends itself to gimmicks. If you are going to change the ruleset, you need to attract attention to some particular mechanic or aspect that you are inevitably going to deem as "ground breaking" or "innovative".

This runs a number of risks, most prominently, breaking the game away from what it originally was, and risking a fan-revolt. Rackham managed to achieve this quite spectacularly on several levels with Confrontation: Age of Ragnarok, which rebooted the old Confrontation Skirmish system into a regiment based wargame with pre-painted miniatures mounted on different bases. This forced gamers to challenge a lot of their ideas and perceptions they had about the game they loved, and it made most of them noticeably furious.

This is something that generally gets rather understated when it comes to gaming. The integrity of games is always put in question when a change looms along the horizon. Whilst most will put up and shut up, or immediately drop the game and seek other entertainment, an increasing number of gamers and hobbyists are getting increasingly insecure about their gaming environment.

This situation is so pronounced, that with GW games, generally more discussion is dedicated to speculation and debate about change (no matter how far off it is) than the existing merits of the product as it stands. It seems the gamer's coping mechanism (and can you blame them) is to have as fluid a concept of the game so that they never find themselves in such an existential crisis as some gamers who get attached to a particular way of playing end up facing.

Games Workshop's change is virtually constant, bringing out a new faction every 3 months, and with two cores where this occurs regularly, it can seem like every other month, there is something else to buy. The worst of it is that despite this constant change, the product support to keep the game more or less intact is positively non-existant.

There is no way to directly contact the writers, and despite some customer support existing to address some rules and gaming issues, only this week I encountered one email from a customer service representative of Games Workshop that simply had to be wrong. The "answer" provided was with reference to whether Zzap Guns (an Ork Big Gun) hits automatically. The Ork Codex says nothing of the sort, but a summary in the 40k rulebook says it does. The responding email to this question confirmed it did, because the rulebook said so. But it said so in a summary, clearly labelled with a disclaimer that any discrepancies in the summary are overwritten by the Codex.

It doesn't help that GW's writing is poor and inconsistent (but more on that in another article), but it is a prime example of the fact that too much change can constrict a gaming system. Warmachine has changed recently, and this has provoked a lot of controversy (as I said earlier, gamers, quite rightly, hate change). But the difference, to my eyes at least, is consistency.

If you are changing a system, you need to keep it fairly consistent. The game may need improvement, you may also want to encourage sales, but you also have to spare a thought for the gamers who already support you, because they already like what you have produced, or else they wouldn't front you any money.

You need to consider the integrity of the game, what it stands for. If you change that completely, you are going to undermine your own fanbase considerably. It is of even more importance if you have several inter-playable systems. Rackham had 4 it managed to undermine. Privateer Press has technically 3 (although Iron Kingdoms merely shares models, not a ruleset with Warmachine and Hordes). Games Workshop has a number, but the most notable is LOTR and WOTR. The important point to bear in mind that if you are going to change a system, it impacts on the others it is connected to. So, Hordes players will react to change in Warmachine (and vice versa), so had better make sure that you don't undermine the ethos or style of either game.

Change is often necessary, but it is not without risk. The other companies should take note to notice what happens when change starts occurring to a ruleset merely for the sake of it...

Games and Gameplay Innovation: Part 2: Gimmickhammer

2011-01-17T11:53:00.000-08:00

What makes a good game?

I'm sure we all have some inclination as to the answer. A lot of it is taste. The favourable internet expression for this is your mileage may vary (or YMMV). Throughout my wargaming "career" (the one I've paid other people for), I've striven to get to grips with this subject. Not least, because I actually write my own gaming systems, and fiddle with existing ones. The concept is something I think all rules writers consciously think about, in the same vein that a writer of fiction considers narrative devices, and the film maker considers myriad cinematic approaches: camera angles, soundtracks, lighting, casting etc.

Anything produced for any medium has a sense of style and theories surrounding it. The Critic in particular looks into these, as a critic does of any other work. You generally have to form an opinion of what works and what doesn't in order to discuss it. This can run the risk of being too interpretive of something (like a film critic going on about the "innovative" and "brave" switch to black and white, or less CG in a film, when in all likelihood they simply ran out of money).

One can also be a tad too elitist, or dismissive of something that doesn't really bother other people. The trouble is, that is what the critic is for. If you endeavour to understand any medium, you inevitably find its foibles. It comes with the territory, especially when your quest is to determine the best concepts to work with, you are inevitably going to find issue with solutions people use.

This brings me quite well into the realm of Games Workshop. They have their fair share of critics, and as the "most popular" out there, they have a nice selection of examples. It also makes them an easy target, but then, I don't think a medium attracting a larger crowd makes it any less worth criticising. If anything, it probably warrants it more. If it improves, it benefits more people.

The worst thing a Wargame can do, is much the same as a computer game can do. That of offering up some kind of gimmick, whose purpose is ultimately designed merely to pull in the audience. The word "innovation" or in particular the adjective "innovative" is thrown around by fans and popularisers about various incarnations of GW's big three: Warhammer, Warhammer 40,000 and Lord of the Rings (or the pointless War of the Ring).

A good approach to the psychology of wargaming is to make a wargaming feature easy to use, and/or intuitive, so that the gamer relies more on their perception and instincts, and less of the actual rulebooks. Good system concepts can be ruined by far too much "lawyerese" language that tries to avoid exploitation. 40k in particular suffers from this tendency to reword subjects and concepts to fit new situations, rather than trying to make a system that fundamentally stays consistent (like Warmachine to some extent).

Also, just because you feel you've "involved" the player in the system directly, does not remove the need for you to make sure the system itself is well-handled, or even if it works at all for the system you are using it for. A good example of how this doesn't work, is Warhammer 40,000 5th Edition's True Line of Sight (or TLOS).

True Line of Sight is used in many systems, although only Games Workshop could be so cocky as calling it "getting down to the model's eye view to observe the battlefield, bring you directly into the games you play". It basically entails that what the miniature can see, can be targeted. Cover may be considered if the model is in any way obscured. In some games (such as Necromunda and Warmachine) you also have to observe the degree of obscurity with usually two or three (sometimes more) defined terms that have an additional affect on gameplay.

Although the original system was quite clunky and prone to causing arguments, it worked on a consistent set of definitions, and suited the style of the game. What do I mean by this? Well, terrain was judged on an estimated basis; forest terrain would be impossible to see through at a certain depth. As 40k has never really been particularly appropriately scaled, reverting to a system of seeing things as they are presented, causes a number of problems. In particular, those floating around in the air, or elevated by scenic bases become discouraged, which is one concept that Games Workshop has consistently promoted, and until 5th Edition, never affected gameplay.

In particular, Wargaming terrain is also generally designed for ease of use in games. "Forests" comprise of three or four trees, often ones that can be lifted away if movement becomes a problem. Things have been estimated around ease of use, rather than to provide adequate cover. When you use TLOS with typical Games Workshop scenery, you very rarely block visibility at all, which is a poor consideration.

Even without these aesthetic issues, it isn't really a concept particularly suitable for the 40k system. Cover provides "cover saves", which can be taken instead of a regular save, or prevent vehicles from being damaged if the save is passed. This itself is a particularly muddy subject, and has caused a number of issues, especially for countries where English is not the main language, such as a particularly unfavourable ruling on the effects of a Kustom Force Field upon vehicles in Poland.

Now, as 40k goes, the easiest tactic is to roll lots of dice, and make your opponent roll lots of dice. It is actually possible to come close to breaking the game quite easily by simply being able to see lots of units with long or medium range firepower and spamming them ad infinitum. Your opponent will get cover saves for those that go through cover, even other units (but as we've seen, it is very difficult to outright block visibility), but you can let them have that, knowing that often, any dice rolled on the lower scales (1 and 2 in particular, sometimes 3) are going to result in casualties, whether AP or any other issue comes into it or not.

Sure there is the Go To Ground rule that sacrifices the unit's turn in order to improve the cover save, but no matter how good a concept this is to slightly improve the TLOS system, you still have the same likelihood of casualties. Weapons that normally ignore armour will suffer, but weights of fire will not.

This is the problem with TLOS in 40k, because it places the main drawback of firing through difficult circumstances upon your opponent, when it should be the other way around. Given the propensity for 40k players to have some version of Power Armoured Space Marines (who really need very little aid to survivability anyway), most often this facility will simply not get used. When it does, it will provide a very minor defence against an attack that should have been greatly reduced in effectiveness, but works essentially, more or less the same as it would in the open.

It benefits those with poor armour saves, but those forces are typically fast, or have means of distracting enemy fire. Plus, one really wonders if the original system would not have worked just as well, if not better, by simply integrating the units providing cover to other units concept into the existing system in 3rd/4th Edition. It would have been easy, as the rule already existed for Gretchin in the 3rd Edition Ork Codex.

Places where TLOS have worked well is the likes of smaller scale skirmishes, such as Necromunda, Hordes and Warmachine, where cover has impacted on the accuracy and likelihood (or lack thereof) of hitting, rather than the propensity for a seldom-used defensive gimmick. Funnily older versions of 40k used this system, and Warhammer Fantasy (no less capable of large scale battles) still uses it.

This whole concept does play to the idea that certain Wargames market themselves to particular consumers, or particular groups of intellect (or both). Privateer Press' Warmachine and Hordes market themselves to power gamers, pushing forth the gimmick of playing to tear your opponent's liver out (with a small hint to the effect that this should extend merely to the gaming table, with some mention of those weird concepts called manners and sportsmanship); LOTR in particular plays to the aesthetic of the films (a sparkle doomed to diminish as the films disappeared - perhaps GW is holding out in hope of being able to represent The Hobbit too?); Warhammer very much markets the historic style of wargaming, with modern powergaming thrown in; and 40k markets itself as a fun system, with space marines.

40k itself seems to make very little assumptions about the age (or intellect) of its audience, and assumes it hates maths, English, critical thinking, or game theory. GW really don't read forums much, do they? Do they assume that players can't be bothered to subtract or do any amount of numeric considerations? They certainly squandered a wonderful and adaptable Wargear section in order to make it "easier" and "quicker" to write army lists. Funnily, you have all the time in the world to write army lists. It's playing games without needing to check the rules every two minutes and arguing about them for hours on end that I'd rather avoid.

It leads me to the conclusion, in a roundabout way. Always be wary of concepts in rules that are designed mostly around a "pull" to attract you to play. In the same way that you should be wary about those bullet points on the back of a computer game box (which more often than not are merely gimmicks that comprise of your entire gaming experience - such as a gimmicky gun that only has one particular use).

In much the same way, Wargames can do this to attract new interest. The trouble is, if not well-handled, this becomes yet another bugbear to deal with for anything other than the casual gamer. Unfortunately, most money is often spent by casual gamers and children (in most gaming industries) who often have little conception for the overall quality of a work. Until those interest areas start to dry up, many companies will avoid cleaning up their act. GW especially.

It can really make you feel for the dedicated fans of a system, who have to endure change. Most of these companies have more or less forgotten about you. You've spent your money, so they need fresh people. This can be particularly jarring when a game takes a radically new direction, and virtually undermines the fanbase. You're expecting a GW reference, but fear not. There has been one company to pull a bigger dick-move than anything GW has ever done. Step forward Rackham, for their reset button action of Confrontation, spawning the infinitely poor replacement Confrontation: Age of Ragnarok (which incidentally undermined 4 games, of which only two - Confrontation (but so many factions have been reset to virtually nil, and old models - that are infinitely collectible - essentially need rebasing(!) to play) and Cadwallon (which from the looks of it, is ridiculously expensive to play) have made much of a comeback. Did I mention the models aren't as nice looking?

Age of Ragnarok also lets us round off with one more gimmick. Pre-painted miniatures. This is a particularly large bugbear for anyone who views Wargaming as a hobby, and not just a game. For gamers, it is rather pick up and play, but for this convenience, all gamers/hobbyists are paying a massive premium for them to be pre-painted (not only the painting costs, but the elaborate packaging that is necessary so you can see them before you buy) and anyone who wants to customise or improve the appearance of those miniatures are going to put paint to them anyway, rendering the entire process redundant. Plus, At43 demonstrated already quite well that the gimmick alone does not a gaming system make. The system itself actually needs to be decent as well.

It is rather telling when all you read about on forums is discussion of how to modify the models for use in other games.

Now, not all gimmicks are bad, but always be wary of ones designed to integrate the gamer into the system. This kind of concept needs to be handled extremely well to satisfy gamers, and with a lot of gamers being insecure and temperamental, you really have to make sure that your changes stand up to scrutiny. Step up 40k. Step up Fantasy. Step up War of the Ring. Step up Warmachine Mk2. Step up Age of Ragnarok. Step up Necromunda: Underhive (an old gripe, that) and finally, step up Inquisitor, for always being a gimmick. Maybe that's why we love you. Well, why those people love you.

TWC's Gretchin Tactica

2010-12-27T18:32:00.000-08:00

[or: Everything you Wanted To Know About Gretchin But Would Never Bother To Ask]

Introduction
You were probably expecting my Gimmick article. But seeing as it is Christmas time (well, it's gone, just, but never mind that minor detail...), I thought I'd start uploading some of the tacticas and articles I've written during my forum years. This one may be a treat for some of you, as I haven't put it onto the main forum I frequent yet. This month and next will have a distinctly grotty feel, as I've just remembered a promise to an old forum acquaintance I made a while ago that I haven't got around to finishing yet. But hell, it'll be free promotion, so why not.

Okay, so, this is a tactica born mostly from my last 6 or so years playing a Grot Horde in Warhammer 40k. I've experimented with Grots in almost every combination over the years, especially as I've spent the last 6 needing them to do a pretty good job. I warn you, it is very long, but hopefully it will be informative. A friend is going to help me post a shorter/better version on forums soon, but I will be keeping the original here, for those who crave far too much information.

Well, so long as you haven't spent the last 5 or so years dead, or hiding from 40k players, you'll have noticed that the Orks have been back, for quite a while, and stomping heads in. One of their more perplexing units is Gretchin (or Grots for short); both Ork and other 40k players have a tendency to pour an awful amount of disdain and ridicule in their direction. Muttering about them being "too weedy" to be of any use. There are of course a lot of shrewd Ork players out there who actually know how to use them, and it has an awful lot to do with embracing their weediness...

The True Value of Weediness
So Grots are rubbish are they? A lot of people think so, and I don’t correct them. Being underestimated gives Grots a tactical edge, but also explains why Grots are a very love/hate unit. Ask most Ork Players what they think of Grots and you’ll get a mixture of responses. Mostly though it is likely that they will be dismissed as little more than cheap cannon fodder, cheap tactical maguffins and/or not as good as shootas.

There is a fair amount of merit to this. Grots are clearly no replacement for shootas, and they certainly die very easy and are rather cheap. Of course, it remains that many 40k players heftily underestimate the importance of cheap tactical maguffins, and are just as likely to look a gift horse in the mouth as far as anything that costs points, whether it’s a huge bargain or not.

A lot of people really don't seem to 'get' what Gretchin are about. There were a lot of 'Grots Suck' threads thrown around during 4th Ed after the Codex had just come out, despite that in my estimations they were better than before or since, even without the Grot Screen/unit cover rules. People do tend to place a lot of individual pressure on units as if they all have to perform to 'effective and optimal standards' and need to be made 'viable' to use. People should really start looking at their armies collectively, rather than just unit by unit, because if a force can't support itself well, having the odd unit being 'viable' doesn't count for all that much.

Believe it or not, but Gretchin are one of our most flexible units. Whilst it’s clear that there's one thing they can never deal with (vehicles), Grot mobs of all shapes and sizes have many uses in pretty much any Ork army. Before we get around to discussing how to use Grots in more detail, first lets explore The Weedy Side of Gretchin usage.

The Power of The Dork Side
The important thing to remember about Grots is to never fight fair with them. Grots in the fluff don’t fight fair, and neither should you. Grots are best used in underhanded ways, manipulating the course of the game or affecting it (or your opponent) in subtlety. Grots do not win fair fights, but if the odds are slightly stacked in their favour, they can perform much better than you’d anticipate. Expecting Grots to be a directly useful unit and successful in combat unaided is to misunderstand what Grots are about.

As a generally underestimated unit, they can have a massive impact on the outcome of games whilst still being a relative unknown to your opponent. The one thing that people do know is that the Grot statline is rubbish. They may be right, but they don’t know anything else. If you exploit this, your Grots will be a lot more effective.

Also remember that it is perfectly fine to dismiss your grots and treat them with utter disdain; casually letting them wander to their deaths. Regardless of the kind of Ork (or Grot) army you have, Gretchin mobs will not be the elite of your troops. They are there to fight a bitter battle, and unless survival is very important (kill point games for instance), one should not be squeamish with using them. Although their subliminal uses are far more useful, when these are done, Grots should be utilised viciously.

Grots have a number of subliminal uses that I will discuss in this section. Unfortunately some of them are increasingly more common knowledge than they once were, and are certainly the least sneaky things you can do with Grots, but are the most effective and commonly used ones:

Nabbing Objectives
As a cheap troop choice, Grots are ideal for ‘Objective Sitting’. If you have an objective (such as a bunker) in your own deployment zone, Grots are a very good choice for babysitting it. Even if you are using a Speed Freaks force, you should consider taking some Grots to ‘leave behind’. Whether it is about holding table quarters, bunkers or other objectives, Grots are cheap enough to throw at them, ‘weedy enough’ to forget about and generally out of range enough of enemies to spend most of the game going to ground.

Opponents really hate ‘wasting shots’ on Grots, so it really isn’t a problem for you to send them after valuable objectives. A cunning Ork Player will be giving their opponent far more dangerous things to worry about than a small group of runts! Don’t expect Grots to hold an objective from an awful lot that moves in to contest, but regardless they are still one of our best units for taking objectives.

I will discuss techniques for taking forward objectives in a short while.

Providing Cover
The ‘Runt Save’ as I like to call it, Grots have always been popular for their ability to screen the much more expensive and valuable units behind them. In the last codex, it was an inherent rule, and now it is incorporated in the 5th Edition ruleset. Runt Saving is so popular with Ork Players because it easily allows for Grots to revert to tarpitting when the ground is closed and with Grots moving directly ahead, they are also in a good position for grabbing enemy objectives.

Runt Save units can provide the odd unit (say, that your KFF cannot cover) with a very effective cover save and your opponent is unlikely to 'waste shots' on the Grots themselves. When they close ground they can help in assault, revert to tarpitting, send them after objectives and/or use blasta shots to annoy your opponent and score cheap kills.

The smaller the Grot unit, the more annoying they can be. They are easy to kill though, in combat and shooting, so they are not invulnerable. However a unit starting with 10-20 Grots can cover a large amount of Orks and make a difficult tarpit obstacle for the opponent. It can often be worth covering the Grots with a KFF. This may seem counter-intuitive, but this ensures grot survival and the save for the unit they are personally covering is already better anyway, just now, you might keep it a bit longer.

Obviously the main issue is running. If either the covering unit or the unit behind fall short, issues start to arise. I’ve found that the easiest way to avoid this if both units are running is to line the covering grots on the deployment edge in as few tight rows as possible, and give between 1 and 3 inches between them and the units they cover behind them. This will reduce the potential of the Orks sitting around with movement they can’t use.

The other main issue is that Grots being in the front almost definitely slows down the potential progress of the unit/s it covers. Usually, this is worth it, even with Shoota units who in most cases have the Grots providing the enemy with cover as well. Be aware of what your opponent is. Against Beakies, that cover is generally worthless, and if they go to ground, that is an advantage to you anyway.

In the poorly drawn diagram above, you’ll see a rough example of the kind of things you can do with Grot cover. Here, a Gretchin Mob of 20 is providing cover to a 30-strong Boyz Mob. Obviously a Grot unit could cover more, or less, but the principle I see is that, unless you are desperate, Grots should provide a long row that is at least 2 grots deep. 1-deep cover can be whittled away very easily, but covers more, so it is ultimately up to you.

You may be wondering why the Runtherds are on the ends. It is purely aesthetic on my part, really. I suggest experimenting with where you put your runtherds. I sometimes align them like that, and I definitely avoid placing them in the front line where possible. You want to try and maximise the location of those grabba Stikks/grot prods, so think about where you need them at the time. Remember that the Grots are probably an inch or so ahead, so better run rolls can be spent reforming whilst running. Also, sticking two on the end (whether they’re grots or runtherds) extends your LOS coverage slightly.

The distance between the two units isn’t always important. If you are using Shoota Boyz, you don’t need to be so far behind the Grots, as you’ll be shooting most of the game (and running for one turn might not account for the distance). Grots should run every turn, and even if you don’t want to move too far forward from the unit/s you are covering, you can use the run moves to form your Grots up into a useful tactical shape. There are many, but I’m going to talk you through two.

We will discuss tarpitting in a short while, but you can prepare for it whilst advancing. The formation picture above shows how I have moved the runtherds into the centre, deepened the flank sides, moved the Orks in and curved the front row slightly. The reason for all of this is control. When you choose to tarpit, you need only move your Grots the full distance, unload a volley of shots from the blastas and brace for the charge, taking any position you like (remember that this picture is showing a formation preparing for a tarpit, not the actual tarpit itself!).

The flanks of the Grot unit are deeper to allow optimum cover whilst making sure you won’t run into coherency issues (which is why the Runtherds are in the middle, as no matter what happens you’ll not remove the runtherds if you have the choice, and you still have coherency if they are sniped). The Runtherds are also in the middle so that they can be easily moved to get into b-t-b with any charge. You can have them on the front row, but that depends on what you are facing. Sometimes it is better to choose positions that allow you a better choice of placing for the first round of combat.

Always think about where your runtherds should be placed. Although no longer easy to remove in combat, these are your main combat elements and you do need to exploit your runtherds’ location if you want to reduce the combat impact. Your Runtherds with grabba Stikks in particular need to be deployed effectively, so always be wary of where you place them.

An alternative formation that I favour is a flanking formation. You use this if you intend to move the Grots and Orks in different directions, such as flanking an enemy unit. The main advantage of this manoeuvre is that it still provides cover but allows both Ork and Grot units roughly the same movement potential, but on the downside reduces the amount of Grots that could potentially provide cover, as well as being fairly predictable as to what your units are going to do. It is generally a good idea to face the Grots’ flank towards the largest mass of enemy firepower if possible. I will cover flanking shortly, but first let’s discuss tarpitting.

Tarpitting and Charge Blocking
Two terms you may or may not be familiar with, but mean essentially the same thing. The idea is to place a blocking unit that prevents the enemy from assaulting more valuable enemy units behind them. The enemy can ignore the Grots, but if they remain intact, the Grots will still be able to move freely, and either way, the enemy still cannot touch the unit behind in combat. More to the point, regardless of the result, the enemy will not be able to reach the protected unit/s behind and are now at the mercy of those units in the following turn.

The important thing to remember about tarpitting is positioning and bait. You want to make sure that the Grots are positioned in such a way that the enemy cannot easily move around them, and that your valuable units are a sufficient number of inches away that they are protected but able to counter charge in the following turn. Obviously, if your enemy units have larger charge ranges or fleet, you will need to take the extra movement into account (an easy way to do this is to widen your Grots and move your Orks back). Here is another bad picture to show a general tarpit setup:

As you can see, the Grots are set up to accept the charge from one opponent. The basic idea is to fully block the unit and a good rule of thumb is to prevent an enemy model from drawing any straight lines to the unit/s you are covering without passing through the Grots. Runtherds sit in the front (with grabba Stikks, accepting a charge is an easy way to reduce attacks no matter what the position, so positioning is only important if you want to neuter a specific character) and try to keep your grot rank deep if possible.

On occasion, you may need your Grots to protect valuable units from a number of enemy units. In these cases, the process is still the same. Spread your Grots wide enough to cover the unit/s the Grots protect in such a way that you cannot draw a straight line from the enemy units to any of them, and keep the rows of grots at least 2 deep where possible (this will mean that it is easier to maintain the protective barrier of grots if you have to remove shooting casualties).

Once positioning is sorted, baiting is usually the easy bit, and is also when you find out if your tarpit is successful, or if your Grots are lucky enough to be out of charge range (ignoring stuff that can fleet, anyway). To bait an enemy into accepting the tarpit, all you need to do is unleash a Grot Blasta volley. Some shooting at BS3 should be enough to suggest to your opponent that leaving the Grots alone is a reasonably bad idea. Plus, killing enemies increases the chance of the Grots surviving to at least attack back, so either way shooting them is good.

As Sweeping Advances are gone, fighting Grots is pretty much a death sentence if the enemy will promptly stare down an Ork unit that is within 12". A situation of tarpit trapping is the one main time you should consider not re-rolling with the Squig hound in combat. Although consolidation becomes an issue (for getting out of range of the Ork unit/s behind the tarpit), keeping Grots around for a second combat means even with fresh attackers on your side, without wiping the enemy out you will probably lose the combat if there are more Grots than attackers.

Because consolidation cannot lead to assault, there is not much stopping you from keeping your Orks a lot closer, and this is most recommended when trying to tarpit jump troops, as you’ll need to make sure they can’t get past the grots, and the best way to do that is have the other side of the grots being 1-2” away from Orks (which would be an illegal move for jump troops). Generally though against really fast things, the tarpit can fall down if you aren’t careful, so always remember to exploit positioning, distance and terrain if you can.

The main downside of tarpitting is that it can, on occasion, block your own units from getting into combat themselves. This is fairly rare though, as Grots are very easy to kill and the opponent is not really rewarded in success anyway. It is however, almost guaranteed to result in either a destroyed or fleeing Grot unit; an almost certain kill point for the enemy, especially in units of 20 or less (inflicting 11 or more casualties to a Grot unit in a single turn can be very easy).

Remember that often (especially with multiple units) it is easier for the foe to just shoot your grots dead. The speedbump/tarpit effect is the same, as they can only shoot you after moving, and it is unlikely that they’d be within 6” after shooting if you’ve placed them correctly. It is best to always be cautious about losing your grots to shooting, especially when nearby units can fleet. People can get around speed bumps, so always think twice when trying to deploy one.

Unit Flanking
Depending on the situation, tarpitting can sometimes be a waste. If you have the advantage of distance and your opponent’s unit/s lies within 6-12”, there is seldom much point in letting your Grots stand around doing nothing! A tactic I tend to favour is Unit Flanking.

This is essentially the final development of the flanking formation I showed you earlier (it may help to go back to familiarise yourself if necessary). The theory behind it is that the Orks have continued to gain cover from the Grots, but are merely less than 2” behind the front of the uppermost Grot rank. This means that the two units can split apart, and with the right amount of cunning, can do a number of clever things, and the distance travelled between them is very similar.

The flanking formation mostly protects a single unit geared for assault (but provides an impressive screen to other units behind as well!), but otherwise allows that little extra movement to deploy quickly and effectively into combat. If timed well with the rest of the army, this is a wonderful time to consider calling your waaagh and getting as many of your Orks into combat as possible. You should also bear in mind that Grots cannot ‘Waaagh!’ (and thus cannot fleet), so they may not have as much potential to move ahead as the Orks potentially have.

The main tactical advantage of the flanking manoeuvre is being able to surround an opposing unit from two sides; either to throw both units into combat, or to move off the Gretchin for a few volleys of shooting without interfering with charging potential.

Although this manoeuvre mentions a ‘double assault’ it is not necessary. The important thing to take note is that the Orks have a greater potential to surround the enemy if you are able to fleet that turn. If you have no need of running the Grots, even if you do not charge in, a volley of Grot Blasta fire (plus whatever the Ork unit has if they don’t fleet) is worth unleashing. This could potentially lead to the unit fleeing, but it all depends on what you want to achieve. If you are hesitant to consider any concept of charging Grots in to assist another unit, I will cover this later on when I discuss using Grots in Combat.

Alternatively, you may want to use this tactic to tarpit an enemy unit close enough to support the unit your Ork unit will be charging. In this instance you may need to utilise a run move to pull it off effectively (although avoid this if possible to get a volley of blasta fire off). Alternatively you could use this manoeuvre in order to make a sprint for an objective, leaving ‘da boyz ta get on wif watz proppa’. If they win the assault, consolidation is best spent making sure the tarpit works, otherwise ideally the enemy unit (if it survives) should provide an obstacle to aid the tarpit. Be clever if you can about where you place your charging Orks, and from where you remove casualties.

Flanking is very simple to do, although can be a little time consuming. It is however very effective for exploiting movement, if a little more predictable and easy to spot for the opponent. A clever opponent will tend to ignore the gretchin half (although depending on how well you did the formation it is possible to switch around in a turn if you have time. However the best way to get away with this is to make your opponent notice other rather dangerous Ork units and otherwise distract from the weedy nature of the grots (although they could be screening 30 boyz, which would scare anyone…) with more vital concerns. However if you want to deploy two units quickly in separate ways, it is a very useful tactic.

The Price of Weediness
The Price of Weediness is something worth paying, and (more to the point) not as expensive as you might think! I’m prepared to assume that a lot of “Mathshammer” will be thrown around to show that statistically, at least, Weediness isn’t much to be sniffed at. I am hoping the content in this tactica has at least got you to consider rethinking your position on Grots.

Obviously, the main failing of Grot units is the Gretchin statline. The 2s in particular are considered with a great deal of dismissal. For the most part it does mean that you at least know why Grots are so cheap. But Grots do at least have the saving grace of BS3. This is particularly attractive in other Gretchin units (Big Gunz, Grot Tanks and Kanz), and in a regular Grot unit this does mean that blasta fire can be reasonably destructive up close.

The main thing people tend to complain about with Grots is their apparently poor leadership. So I had a quick look through the codex. With Runtherds, a Gretchin unit has between 1 and 3 models that grant leadership 7 to the unit. More than half of the units in the Ork Codex with an Ld stat (some 11 units) have a maximum base of Ld 7 (outside of the Mob Rule and IC joining), and only two of these can greatly exceed a unit size of 8 without a significant cost. These two units are Grots and Boyz (the unit Grots usually screen). Weirdboyz, Nobz, Meganobz, Burna Boyz, Tankbustas, Lootas, Warbikers, Deffkoptas (who cannot exceed 5 models), and Big Gunz (who are in the same boat as Grots) are the others, and only really the Weirdboy can avoid leadership issues by joining Boyz units.

There are 9 units in the Ork Codex who have access to leadership 8 or greater, and of those about 80% of them are special characters or a unit that gains a higher leadership by having a special character upgrade: Ghazkhull, Mad Dok Grotsnik, Wazdakka Gutzmek, Old Zogwort, Warboss, Big Mek, Kommandos (Snikrot only), Stormboyz (Zagstruk only) and Flash Gitz (Badrukk only).

There are 4 Independent Characters with access to Bosspoles (2 of which are Special Characters), 7 units with access to bosspoles, and of those, only one Flash Git unit may have one (through Badrukk), and Storm Boyz (with Zagstruk) and Kommandos (with Snikrot) must do without a bosspole if they take their special character upgrade.

So on that note, Grots are very cheap, and runtherds provide the average Ork leadership as well as a leadership re-roll for the cost of a nob, whereas other units need an IC or pay an additional 5pts for the privilege. Oh and you can have up to three of these in a unit and are a lot harder to take out even with marksmen on the board. So what was that some people were saying about Grot leadership being rubbish? By the looks of it, they’re bordering on above average for Orks.

The major threat to Gretchin is just about anything that isn’t them, really. Specifically though, Grots really don’t like dedicated combat units (especially ones with a high initiative and armour save) and units with a high toughness value. In shooting, Grots can handle stuff a bit better, but with strength 2 attacks in combat, only your Runtherds have any hope of hurting monstrous creatures. As monstrous creatures tend to be common tarpit targets, this almost guarantees the slaughter of your grot unit.

Grots that aren’t protected by their own cover can be quickly whittled down by enemy shooting. Strangely gaming savvy opponents will determinedly deal with them, especially if you use a lot of tarpitting against them. Grots killed though are cheap casualties. This is one of their main advantages, but coupled with this, they do take a valuable troop slot.

Grots have some specific banes of course, which may appear to be an unreasonably short list. The truth is that most units can kill Grots. There are a few that are utterly perilous to come up against. Grots can always stand a chance of doing some damage to even the most dangerous of foes. I’ve beaten Khorne Berzerkers in combat with a Grot unit before. But here are a few things to watch out for:

Vehicles/Walkers: The obvious is unerringly true. Grots can never harm vehicles. Nope, your Runtherds can’t use furious charge, so you can’t even dent AV10. Grots make excellent tarpits against walkers (especially dreadnaughts), but they can only hold it up, and can never harm it. Dreads in particular will make you regret the day you dropped your grabba stikks for grot prods.

Pie Plates and Template Weapons: Like most Ork units, Grots don’t fare well against template weapons. By far, flamer weapons are actually worse, because even if you’re cunning enough to protect your Grots with a KFF, flamers will ignore any cover save your Grots have and still wound on twos. Templates are always an easy way to remove Grots. Your only solace really is that at least it isn’t your Orks this time (watch these though when covering, especially against hellhounds!).

Now is a good time to mention this. Watch out for pinning. It is a serious problem for Grot units that you have on the move.

Scout Sergeant Telion: Of the space marine characters, Telion is by far the worst for Grots, as he can easily take out your Runtherds, and has two shots within a very decent range. Scout squads are a bit nasty for Grots anyway (especially with snipers), but with Telion they are a very serious threat. Other space marine characters to watch for are Pedro Cantor (mostly as he’s so sodding popular) and Shrike (who is unlikely to be waisted on your grots, but stranger things have happened…). Space Marines are particularly tough opponents for grots, but they are not numerous, and they are very expensive in points. Every marine lost (especially terminators) to gretchin will be a major blow to your opponent, and a good way to pay for a Grot unit’s points.

Death Company/Sanguinary High Priests: I hate Blood Angels. They’re fast, as hard as any space marine, and now annoyingly able to hand out Feel No Pain to tonnes of units. Feel No Pain is one of the Grot unit’s biggest weaknesses. Grots struggle to make dents as it is, and FNP greatly reduces this even further. Count in power armour and it starts getting really annoying. Oh, you want to know about Death Company? Nobody likes Death Company.

Plague Marines and Berserkers: Chaos are quite nasty to Grots, but those two are my least favourites. Although you’d think I like Zerkers less, it’s actually Plague Marines. The FNP and high toughness are a horrible combination. The only time my Grot horde has ever been tabled and massacred recently was down to a Plague Marine army. Zerkers, have extra dice in combat. I have beaten them before, though, and the best thing about Zerkers is, you can always shoot them first.

Dire Avengers: If your panzee playing opponent is willing to waste a turn’s shooting on your grots with his avengers, in all likelihood, they will not be there afterwards. Avoid, where possible.

Before I move on, I’d like to say this isn’t an exhaustive list, and I invite people to suggest other examples that I can add. This is merely based on my experience of opponents. I’m yet to face the new Space Wolves for instance.

Constructing Gretchin Units
Okay, now I’ll give some advice on how to build up your grot units. It seems pretty simple, but it ultimately depends on what you want them to do. Grots are incredibly flexible, but how you build a Grot unit will have a massive impact on how it works in game.

Unit Size
How large to make your Grot units is probably the biggest issue you will face. Regardless of how you go about it, there are two things to remember: firstly, Grots take up a troop slot, and secondly, that Grot unit will be hugely cheap for what you’re getting.

A big deal in the Ork 40k community is the amount of Runtherds. A lot of people like to take up to one less grot than required to buy the next one. Previously, I used to oppose this as against the rules, but I don’t bother now. It can add army list flexibility and save points, but it is often not as practical as people make out.

You can indeed buy a fair bit with 13 points (two more Orks etc), but it is worth considering paying that little bit extra, for what you get out of it. For a start, there’s strength in numbers. It isn’t always important to just have lots of Grots. Runtherds are hard to get rid of without Marksmen, but it is still possible. Also, an extra runtherd adds a massive (for Grots) amount of extra combat clout to the unit.

I’d say the cons of not taking the extra runtherd usually outweigh the pros of leaving him out. Ultimately, it depends on the rest of your list. Grots need to work well, but the same is true for the rest of your army, so it is up to you.

Sizes vary, depending on what you want to do.

If you only have a few points to spare, a unit of 10-18 Grots can be a useful harassment and/or objective sitting unit. You can even use them to cover and tarpit, although I wouldn’t expect them to last very long.

In my view, Grots start getting good from 19 onwards. A unit of 20 preferably (or if you need to save points, 19 and a runtherd) will do what you want and survive quite well. The extra investment beyond this depends on the army, but you can do all of what I have mentioned previously pretty reliably.

The larger units can be quite unwieldy, but they also take a bit of shifting. Units close to the 30-mark pretty much need KFF protection. Otherwise the chance of them pegging it and you not getting the use of them becomes too irritating to budget for. Grot units of this size will attract firepower. This can be beneficial for you, but if you want them ignored, I’d stick closer to the 20 mark and no higher.

A lot of people advocate 29 grots and 2 runtherds. Seriously, don’t bloody bother. Go up to the bell, and ring it, or don’t go up to the bell. A unit of that size needs all the help it can get to be useful more than it does to save points. 120 points is not a lot for what they do. I fit 3 maxed out units in 1000pts and more than that I have 4. I know how those units work, and I find the lack of runtherd seriously detrimental.

A unit of 30 Grots is to be used as a combat unit. Seriously, if you’ve got that many, you want them in the thick of it. At that point, the extra runtherd makes a massive difference. If you keep them out of combat (which is difficult) then Grots are what you need for shooting. In combat however, it is all about the runtherds.

Runtherds
Always remember that Runtherds are dependant on the amount of grots you take. Those people who tell you that you can take 3 and only 10 grots are talking rubbish. Runtherds can only be bought per 10 grots. People exploit this by taking grots under 10 (i.e. 12, 19 or 29), but it doesn’t work both ways. You don’t get to choose when you buy runtherds. You take them when you need them and only when you need them.

When choosing how to equip your Runtherds, I suggest, that unless you have a specific reason not to, you take Grabba Stikks. You can take on some pretty nasty charges and claw enough back to potentially survive combat resolution. When charging they give an extra edge, but runtherd positioning becomes vitally crucial.

I heavily discourage Grot Prods. Unless you're facing a force that is likely to have some kind of monstrous creature, they're hardly worth it, and the Grabba Stikks are more useful anyway for reducing attacks. The Grabba Stikks have saved me from far worse Combat Leadership rolls countless times, and the Grot Prods are expensive for what they do.

You could always mix it up and take a bit of both, but I generally advocate that you stick to one type. If you’re going all out to wound, take Prods. If you’re going for damage limitation, take grabbas. Grabbas are much cheaper, and in my view, work best with Grots.

Grots On The Battlefield
Now finally, I’m going to mention a few basic pointers for using them in a game. I may have mentioned a few things previously, but these are just general thoughts I have put together for your delectation.

Deploying/Moving Grots
This will be the most important part of the game for your grots. Obviously the scenario/mission objectives will greatly determine where you place your gretchin. Ultimately though, it comes down to what role you want them to play in the battle. If you want them to lurk or sit on an objective, then finding cover is the best bet. Grots without cover are in serious trouble.

Usually, I advocate not deploying with the preparation procedures I mentioned above. It is best to move into them later, as the less time you give your opponent to think about them, the better. Most people undervalue Grots so greatly, that they doubt in the ability for Grots to do one purpose well, let alone multiple ones. However, this is no reason to give them the chance to consider it.

Unless you are playing a Grot Horde, always run with your Grots if you are covering something (even if you just use the run inches to reform them). In my experience, a Grot Horde should be moved with careful consideration, because once the enemy closes ground, you run out of chances to dictate when your Grots charge or are charged if you also close ground. If you can, draw your opponent in, then you can maximise firepower and combat clout.

Move your grots according to your expectations, and be wary of potential charges. Only take the charges you want them to. Remember what I said at the start; never play fair with Grots.

Grots In Combat
I was going to discuss Grots in the shooting and close combat phases separately, but seeing as Gretchin shooting range is so low it is almost inevitable that combat is going to shortly follow suite (either in your turn or your opponent’s).

In Combat, the true secret of Grots are 3 things: Runtherds, Squighounds and Grot Blastas.

As we’ve discussed Runtherds in some detail, let’s move on specifically to Squighounds.

Squighounds
They are part of a Runtherd's wargear, but they are so awesome I’ve decided to mention them separately. The Squighound re-roll is an outright godsend, but there are a few important things to know. The squighound re-roll costs Grots. The bigger your unit is, the better (in particular to keep above 50% unit size) because your Grots will fail A LOT of leadership tests, especially in combat. In almost every situation, if you fail you really have to re-roll. Losing more Grots isn’t always good, but making sure your Grots stay put is usually a better bet.

Important Note: Always remember that if you cannot sacrifice the amount of Grots needed for the re-roll, the re-roll does not happen. Squighounds will never eat Runtherds to make a re-roll, so you need the Grots. Bear this in mind.

As far as the Re-roll goes, it is amazing. People forget that a Grot runtherd provides the same leadership as most other Ork units and this unit has a built in re-roll. This makes them one of the best objective-sitting units in the Ork Codex!

The only disadvantage is the lack of Mob Rule, but if you expect your grots to be brave, you're in for a shock, but not as much as you'd imagine. On a good day, my Grots don't run. Ever. On a bad day, they do anyway, but it’s always funny.

One final piece of advice. If you may fail a leadership test and you have exactly half the size of the unit, it is worth considering (particularly if this is during your enemy’s turn) not forcing the re-roll and waiting. The logic is that if you force the re-roll and fail, you lose the Grots (because the casualties from the squighound will take you below 50%), however if you wait until the following turn, you will get two chances to pass it. It will limit what you can do with your Grots, but worth considering for a scenario involving kill points.

Grot Blastas
Grot Blastas are one of the most underrated weapons in the game. They're probably the most rubbish guns in 40k, but if you have enough of them together, they can be extremely nasty. Given the choice, yes, I'd plump for shoota shots any day, but Blastas are horrendously evil simply by nature of Grot BS. I've already gone over it earlier, so I just thought I'd add that Grot shooting is a seldom known effect. So many people (Ork Players included) have no idea how nasty Grots can be in shooting. People rule out Grots as a threat, but when they close distance, a turn's shooting will make most players re-evaluate their attitude towards them, whether you follow it up with a charge or not.

A turn's blasta fire is ultimate Tarpit bait. No opponent will leave those guys around to fire again. Also, never forget that Runtherds have sluggas. BS2, but sluggas. Don’t forget to fire them, it all adds up.

Grots can and often will do themselves proud, but it is almost always down to luck: good to wound rolls and opposing failed armour saves in particular. If you help Gretchin to soften up a unit with even a slight amount of fire support, Grots can take units down.

Expecting Grots to win assaults is extremely wishful thinking. Nine times out of ten Grots win assaults only by wiping out what they are attacking. Grot casualties are always going to be high, so usually you are relying on failed armour saves or an already weakened foe. Their numbers can be favourable and the Runtherds add a bit of combat bite to them, but expecting them to charge in and succeed can never be taken for granted, even against a weakened foe.

Grots are still very flexible, but they need support. Grot units work extremely well together. Putting them both into a combat is still a fairly large gamble, but a lot less painful than adding an Ork unit that will tend to be stuck with a lost combat regardless of how well they did.

Of Ork units to support in combat with Grots, generally it is better to keep them out of it unless you think the Orks could use help inflicting wounds. Grots however support Meganobz extremely well on occasion, because MANz generally have enough killy ability to destroy units, but the Grots give the enemy something else to attack (reducing potential dead MANz before they strike) and if the Grots are entering in the combat after an initial round, those extra attacks really add up. Plus you can surround any character with 3 grabba Stikks if you're smart enough. Only Khorne Lords tend to cope with that kind of restriction.

It is also worth noting that boyz units tend to lose anyway, so what exactly is stopping you from putting the Grots in? If the boyz are likely to remain fearless (even more so if Grots are dividing the enemy attacks) chuck the little sods in. If the Grots run, who cares? They did their job.

Grots As Retinues For ICs
Grots make good retinues on occasion, but here are a few things to consider.

There is much talk often on the Internet of using Mad Dok Grotsnik to make super grots with cybork bodies and popping him into the unit to grant feel no pain. This is almost always an utterly bad idea (and thankfully often discredited). Maybe in Apocalypse it'll be fun, but actually getting something out of FNP would be (other than against the likes of an Imp Guard horde) a rarity, and a 5+ invulnerable that although is VERY useful for Grots in assault, is a very expensive upgrade better spent on units that can do better in combat anyway, such as Meganobz.

Grots are never a good idea for Warbosses. Seriously, put them somewhere useful! There may be a debatable use of sticking a Bikerboss in a grot unit in case of first turn shooting, but as Warbosses are combat beasts, Grots are not the ideal candidate for retinue duty.

They might work for Weirdboyz (but shootas or Flash Gits are better imo) but the only real useful retinue job is Big Meks, and in most cases this is limited to SAG meks. As the SAG is a potentially disastrous weapon, Grots are a cheap babysitting unit that takes hits instead of the mek and doesn't hurt as much when he explodes. Generally though Lootas or Big Gunz teams are the best babysitters because of the dakka they chuck out as well (Big Gunz also don’t always restrict targeting the same thing). Grots, however, are a decent, and cheap alternative!

Most games I play at the moment are around the 1000 pt mark, and I tend to run 3 units of maxed out grots, covered by a KFF. There are so many Grots that players concentrate most of their firepower on them, rather than the much smaller but equally squishy unit of MANz and Warboss. The Grots at that size are unwieldy and tough to move, and seem to be useless, but 90 Grots makes up less than half of the army cost. Plus, when they close range, that grot BS starts to work wonders. I've dropped Avatars and many other 40k badasses with Gretchin fire.

Conclusion
…

**Sounds of evil cackling**

Welcome, my young apprentice, to the Dork Side!!!

MUWAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Walks away muttering “I don’t think this whole ‘Dork’ Side thing is going to catch on…”**

TWC

Games and Gameplay Innovation: Part 1: Introduction

2010-12-22T07:00:00.000-08:00

I've been neglecting this blog of late; although one can't really dream of wide readership, especially when you're knocking something everyone likes. Despite this, however, this Blog has been dedicatedly tame in comparison to some of the bile you find on forums. It surprises me in no small part because I contribute fairly heavily to the bile you find on forums.

I think I'll put it down in a large part to my own maturity and freedom within a new media, when if you contrast forums, of which I've been a member of in some occasions for many years, which usually means my late teens. That is soon to be 7 years ago, and frankly, I'm a little tired of still being in the same mould. You see it is pretty easy to spout bile on forums, and when you feel the need to grow up a little bit, or "lighten up" you are doing so with the added difficulty of redefining your "online forum membership persona" and it can be extremely difficult to step back from it, and remind yourself that you're a lot older than you were when you started it.

You see, this leads me to Games, because Games get older and change (bask in the glory of my horrendous linkage), much in the same way as you do, and your relationships with them change. This generally leads you to being disaffected, even angry, about something you had very little input in steering, if any. Although as most people in this world knows, you spent a lot of money on it, and other investments, so you probably feel like you are owed some shares in it. Here's to hoping, maggots.

[How I miss that Nightmare board game. Remember when it was you who was the little maggot?]

There are many ways to combat it, but as my last article demonstrates, most people expect you to kindly take your opinions elsewhere or put up and shut up. When you find yourself so convinced that everyone else is wrong, it can be hard to make either commitment, especially when you still care. In particular, Games Workshop and its myriad of employees should have got used to this by now. Their leopard has changed its spots so often that it is now actually a Tiger. Or a Wildebeest. Or a stoat. Or a halibut. Or more likely, it's just yet another in a long line of red herrings.

Privateer Press, on the other hand, is quite new to this. Judging from Warmachine Mk 2, they might need some practice...

Games often change, and despite any indication to the contrary, every company who makes one will always say it is for the best, it needs it, etc, rather than more obvious reason that they need to keep on making money, and thus need to re-sell you everything again. That comes with the pretence of change, because everyone has been telling you for the past 3 years that Citizen Kane looks so much better in HD.

Now, Wargames, for their part, do actually change. They have to really, because if you're selling another book which simply allows people to play, you had better have done something with it, even if it is simply to make it 500% thicker , increase the price and actually make it so that games are even bigger, and not particularly that much better than they were last time.

One wonders whether GW realised the practicalities of a needlessly oversized and heavy TOME for a moderately scaled tabletop wargame. Sure, there's the little book in their boxed set, but what's the point in the other one? Don't tell me there's some moron out there who thinks GW's rules are good enough to be collectable?

One second: **searches the internet**

My God...

Anyway, Gameplay innovation can come hand in hand with change, as it is when it is first introduced. Sure there is innovation from previous editions, but I would like to explore the whole concept of Games Mechanics and Innovation in the Wargaming Hobby. In GW's case, it probably wont take me very long, so I thought initially it might be a good idea if the next part of this series discussed Gimmicks.

Until then,

TWC

Shut Up and Enjoy the Silence

2010-10-29T00:18:00.000-07:00

I'm sure there are benefits to not being cynical where hobbies are concerned. If you like something, or someone, you often overlook some of the more annoying qualities, because overall, you truly like it. Trouble is, that often time, and additional exposure to such interests can lead to complications.

You replace misty-eyed idealism with bordering psychosis. Whilst most of the time everything seems as nice as normal, there are a few things, certain words or phrases, which can cause a rage, deep depression, weeping and incredibly large amounts of angst. You find that whatever it is, it matters so much to you that you love it as much as you hate it, and take turns hating everyone else who hates it when you don't, and hating everything about it whilst everyone else hates you.

It can get so bad that when you find things about your subject of affection that annoy you, that even mentioning them becomes fuel for further misery as well. When you throw in the internet, fanboyz and internet forums, you have a recipe for disaster. It's so bad, you do start to wonder when it will become a routine documentary on Discovery.

Your fondness is still there, but every time you try to fight the niggling parts that threaten your devotion to it, time eventually gives way to an increasingly larger amount of loathing. Naturally, Wargaming is one of those things that can do it in for you, especially GW games. The thing to remember is it combines a great deal of Serious Business occupations of time into one shared passtime: modelling, miniature collecting, rules lawyering, competition, gaming, painting, writing, drawing, creativity, statistics, tactics, semantics, metagaming, space marines, cock-fighting, ante-upping, munchkin practices, powergaming, elitism, hobbyism, maths, social etiquette, winning, losing, drawing, list writing, FAQing, tournaments, moaning, expensive interests, time investment outweighing enjoyment, injury, death, MMO slang, space marines, catchphrases, other catchphrases, terrain building, obsessive hobby disorder, hatred of slight differences, fear of change, edition debates, rules debates, debate debates, and space marines. This is not an exhaustive list.

Sounds like a blast doesn't it, or did some of you genuinely wonder why I called this blog The Wargaming Cynic?

So the obvious presents itself. You're going to vent steam. That steam may never actually stop venting. Unfortunately, the catch_22 is that the only places to vent steam (i.e. in the direction of people who know what you're talking about) are the same places where you find people who aren't quite as 'disenchanted' as you are.

It may be because their time has not yet arrived, or perhaps you are over-exaggerating. Most likely, however, it is because your tolerances, tastes and general views are utterly different. Regardless of the reason, there are some fanboys that simply do not tolerate anyone slamming their favourite thing. Granted, a great deal of us "slammers" spend far too much time doing it, a comparable Dick Dastardly flaw (if Dastardly didn't stop to build traps he would easily win each Wacky Race - if cynics shut up about their problems for a bit they'd probably get more enjoyment out of the hobby, whereas moaning about it usually makes it worse), and as a result, the fan's collective patience runs out and you get a shut up or bugger off ultimatum.

In a way it is fair enough, but expecting everyone to be always happy is extremely naive. This is particularly because all emotions run high with things you invest in with any amount of interest. The longer you have those interests, the harder it gets to control them. You'll react as a personal insult to changes you don't like, or people moaning about changes you do like.

So where does it lead? Well nowhere, of course. Although undoubtedly, a few voices make a difference, they are typically usually fruitless, especially with GW who seem to be immune to the need to write stuff very well. However despite this, there is a need for everyone. If you didn't have hideously loyal and protective fanboys, nothing would be sacred, and everything would eventually be dismissed.

However, you do need the naysayers, ruining your happy discussions about your interest, because companies expect (indeed, want) you to be happy. That is the whole point. Your happiness is a free advertisement. Likewise any negative vibes from employees or embittered fanboys is bad publicity, and can turn people off. Sometimes, there's no decent reason behind it, but people need high standards and be prepared to vent when they aren't met or the standard you are given lowers.

Here's an analogy for you in closing. The food critic doesn't have much time for the hamburger. It is made by the lowest bidder for the lowest common denominator. They may care more for fancier food, like a fine medium rare T-Bone steak. The Hamburger is nice, but it doesn't exactly require much more than basic training and a microwave to prepare. If nobody made a big deal about taste, then you wouldn't have any choice, we'd all be eating hamburgers.

They're not bad, as a food item, but there is better, so on occasion, it is worth demanding better. 40k is a hamburger, being marketed as a T-bone steak. You deserve better than that.

Load the Canon!

2010-09-18T21:27:00.000-07:00

It doesn't take you long, really. Sooner or later, any passing interest in something good will lead you to (if you're not already on it) the Internet these days. This will mean that not only do you find out more than you ever wanted to about your chosen interest, but it will also lead you to discover the area of interest's fanboys. Fanboys are an interesting breed. They are identical to Fangirls, and by no means better, but a term you see more often, despite being the same, save for a few anatomical and philosophical differences; give or take.

As most of us know by now, the term "Fan" is short for Fanatic, and the term is usually quite aptly appropriate. When you enter the realm/s of a particular subject matter's fanbase (a literal Fan-Base, if you will), you had better bring a fair share of ear and eye protection, and be bloody well careful exactly what you say about the subject matter in question.

To be a fan, one presumes, is to take more than a passing interest in a given subject. You really, really like it, and you want to make this particular opinion known, and join with others who share this opinion. It can lead to the extreme zealousness to which you would expect of any fanatic in the worst case, and in the lightest case, they might only burn you or chuck rocks at you some of the time. Now obviously, this is mostly hyperbole, or at least you'd hope so. If you believe that for one second, I suggest you cancel your subscription to your web provider.

40k has more than its fair share of the worst examples of this. As a particularly successful (for some reason) Wargame, it has a large following, who are understandably protective of it, as it attracts an awful lot of hate from its fans and fans of other wargames. Boy, just about everything GW does raises controversy, a lot of hate, and the collective blood pressure of the lovers and the haters. Aside of the actual game, the background of Warhammer 40,000 in particular attracts a great deal of attention. It is regarded quite widely as one of the best (if only) features of the game, and held in great esteem.

What is it then, that makes 40k such a compelling background?

Quite simply, it has everything. Epic battles, characterful factions, darkness, decay, narm, wangst, and, of course, the bloody space marines. Don't ever, forget, the bloody space marines. Try as you might to hate them, you will, but it will take you an awful long time to hate them all. The story of 40k is immensely huge, with lots of twists, turns, betrayals, tragedies, sacrifices and space marines. From the heroic and tragic Saga of the Horus Heresy, to the virtual pastiche of the whole background that is Caiphas Cain, it is deep and full of character, albeit of a consistently darkened tone.

Of course, being linked to a hobby, it has lots of holes and inconsistencies, some deliberate, some by nature of many cooks spoiling the broth - either way, most of the fans aren't happy about it. If you are not familiar with the term Fluff Nut, a few searches through the forums dedicated to the universe of 40k will quickly remedy this issue.

You will find just how much of a battleground 40k is. You will find the battleground that is the war of 40k's canon. The trouble with fans, of course, is that they want to know everything. Often the first victim of fanaticism is whimsy ("ha, the silly little things"), and this generally means that knowing enough, is not quite enough. What was once opinion, or unknown to you, becomes known, and often "fact". Once it becomes fact, you're in trouble, because you're going to spend what little remains of your pathetic, insignificant life telling other people that they are wrong in the most ardent of language.

Well they are wrong to do that, the bloody morons.

Of course, this causes a great problem for 40k. One of the most alluring aspects of Warhammer 40,000 is the creative aspect of the entire game, the ability to add your own narrative to the existing background. Unfortunately there are great many of 40k players out there for whom the concept of new ideas or individual fluff is pure anathema. To them, there are only 21 first founding space marine chapters, and they know what the two expunged ones are, so don't try anything. Of course, there are only, ever, 6 Ork Clans, there is no Hive Bob the Hungry, and the Emperor's middle name is not Ted. Some of this knowledge, is probably sensible, but it misses the whole point of what a creative hobby is.

A lot of people mistake the Canon of a creative work for the last word on the subject, or an all-encompassing rule of thumb for the entire universe it describes. In Sci Fi circles we have a common habit amongst fans and writers alike to promote an ethos of racial stereotyping, especially of aliens, who are always the same. They may have individual traits as a character, but they will never be able to overcome the 'alienness' of their race, and do something out of character.

In Warhammer 40,000, you are not going to find a clever or eloquent Ork. This is quite a sweeping statement, which made based on reading all (or more likely just some) of the background available and understanding none of it. People can get as xenophobic and prejudiced as the Imperial religious fanatics they read about. Fluff-nuts will turn the word "most" into "all" and the "potential" into "impossible" without actually thinking about what fiction actually is.

You get phrases such as "Word of God" which refers to information gleaned from writers (or official sources and such). The universe of warhammer 40,000 was not handed down from the heavens on the backs of beautiful seraphim and copied by prophets, although it was for profit (yes, that was very bad).

Fiction is not about presenting all that matters, it is about presenting information which describes the world that the author wishes you to dive into. There may be laws and fundamentals to be observed, and these may be worth noting and in that case, you may be able to resolve an idea close to "fact". However most of the time it is about information. All information is not always accurate or representative of everything.

For instance, it is an often used misconception that Orks are immune to the influence of Chaos. They aren't. They are very resistant and mistrustful of it. This does not, however, make them immune. It just means that your every-~~man~~-Ork will hate and deeply mistrust the influence of Chaos, but they may end up influenced by it. Blood Axes (especially Storm Boyz) are particularly the likely sort of Ork to be tempted by Chaos, especially Khorne, who represents similar ideals of war and bloodshed, something the war-ready Ork can identify with.

It is important to remember that when dealing with a hobby, people are going to tell their own tales. So long as they have done enough research, then this is no more wrong than for the official writers to add to it. In fact in a few cases, there are people out there doing a better job than the ones supposedly creating the official canon.

What is it with fanboys constantly berating others for creativity? Well it obviously has something to do with clinging to the one aspect of life they are hoping to fully comprehend, and running around enforcing the law of their own ignorance in fear that someone else with less respect for the order of things will spoil it. To be honest with something like 40k, it's not the other fans you have to worry about. It's the idiots who are making it. Matt *@$#^$#& Ward. Yeah.

Back (and still) In Black...

2010-09-18T17:59:00.000-07:00

I would like to start with an apology. I started this blog thinking that I'd get instant readership, and also that I'd still be much of a Wargamer a few months after starting. I hadn't quite expected GW to still be letting their little Weapon of Mass Detraction that is Matthew "Now A Gamer's Curse Word" Ward write stuff. A master stroke, a truly flooring experience; of similar note to the utter penis move that is Warmachine Mk II and its slogan "Screwing up two games so you don't have to".

So, sorry and everything, but a small hiatus was in order.

But now I'm back, and just as utterly dejected. Maybe a little more, actually. Getting back into gaming has been utterly slow to say the least. One thing that has continued though is my interest in the background stories of Warhammer 40,000, which has been distracting me from the worst codex (or even army book/faction) writing ever, and two of my other favourite games taking radical face heel turns for the extra buck: Warmachine wants you to buy more models so you get more practice with its fucked up points system, and Warhammer Fantasy wants you to play very, very, very big games indeed. It doesn't take a genius to realise that Warhammer 40,000 6th Edition will be uncannily akin to Apocalypse, without, you know, the choice of not playing it.

So, in addition to my likely extended amount of ranting about 40k in TWG series, I happily announce that I have a whole other place for ranting, called "It's a Hard Fluff Life..." until I come up with a better name. Between the two, there should be a few articles to break up the fluff, and articles should increase in frequency. Once I've got a larger amount of followers, I will increase output considerably, so please, let me know you're reading!

Thanks for reading!

TWC

It's a Hard Fluff Life...

2010-09-18T16:45:00.000-07:00

Welcome to this new addition to TWC.

In HFL, I rant and rave about the hard and unbelievably melodramatic and otherwise very unimportant world of fantasy fan-fiction, fiction and generally, the fictional universe of Warhammer 40,000. As your very own Cynic is very much involved in writing fan-fiction (or fan-fluff) for this genre, it is naturally not all that surprising that I regularly find bits about it that annoy me, from writers I don't like, to attitudes to fluff and a million other things that annoy me. If you read this expecting some moaning from an egotistical writer, you'll see this is exactly what is on the tin, so to speak. Minus the tin.

This here blog is 100% tin free.

So anyway, the background of Warhammer 40,000. For those who don't know it, the universe of Warhammer 40k is the setting of the elaborate and long running saga of the Imperium of Mankind, led by the Emperor, a God-like entity, struck down by one of his own sons - nay, his favourite - 10 millennia ago and has spent the intervening time on a life-support machine just so the Imperium's centre of worship and stability sticks around, fed daily with the souls of countless Psykers.

The Imperium is a decaying and decadent religious schism of Gothic-Roman Catholic styling, protected by the ever-present stoic space knights, the Space Marines, the Imperium's greatest (and reasurringly well armoured) weapon. You know, where Bungie got the idea for a silent and tragic, virtually invincible hero surrounded by evil aliens from. With the help of the Imperial Guard (an amalgam of History's Military of every creed imaginable), the Sisters of Battle (nuns with guns, hell yeah), the everything-phobic Inquisition (bet nobody expected I'd mention them) and some more Space Marines, if you weren't already tired of seeing them.

Together, these warriors fight against the threats of the Imperium, which is everybody else, basically. The Eldar (Space Elves), Dark Eldar (Space Dark Elves), Space Orks (Space Orcs, duh!), Chaos (Chaos), Tyrannids (C'Thulu), Tau (cos Anime is down with the kids), and the Necrons (Tomb Kings, pretty much). Who all want to kill the humans, everyone else, and otherwise destroy the Universe, for no particularly explored reason. It is hard to spot the bad guy, because everyone, even all the human factions, are all pretty unsavoury.

It is a lot better than it sounds from this summary (which is rather annoyingly similar to the last one I did earlier in the year). Try as you might to get so incensed by the huge amounts of cliché material that can be found in 40k, you will end up liking it anyway. Don't be under any illusions, it is pretty much all there. Everything. Everything you have ever read, thought or even vomited up for breakfast - it's there (and if it isn't there are the new Beasts of Chaos from fantasy to represent particularly unpleasant vomit). It seems that when you put every cliché together, it somehow makes it right, and feels fresh. Who would have thought a 30 year old pastiche of cliché, grim-dark Sci-Fi would evolve into the manifestation of both Wargaming's most successful system and its biggest scrappy all at once.

There are people standing in a line longer than the eventual amount of paper you will need to read the entirety of the Black Library's Horus Heresy novels just to spout incessant hate upon 40k and its makers, Games Workshop. Yet despite this, if you're willing to sit down and read some of the fluff (background material), you will quickly realise you are reading some brilliant sci-fi (in places) and otherwise easily the best story background for any Wargame. The background is so epic, you want to take part in it, even if the rules don't quite do it enough justice.

As will become apparent, I love reading about, and writing 40k fluff, especially fluff centred around the Orks, who are quite easily to my mind the most interesting and enjoyable faction in the entire game. I find the Orks fascinating, and well, a lot of my fluff on this blog will feature them. But that's a whole different story, or even section. Here is where I moan about the state of the fluff, old and new of Warhammer 40,000. (and sometimes other fiction mediums) Because when I'm not gaming, I'm still writing fan-fluff, and well, there's plenty of grievances from me just on that...

It's a hard life being a fluffer.

The Bloodpact Saga

2010-02-26T04:14:00.000-08:00

The Bloodpact Saga

Chapter 1: The Seal of Decay

“Diz plaze iz hell…” the Kaptin muttered carelessly. The planet’s three suns had all reached a prominent enough horizon to shine light upon the wastes of the long dead imperial world. Bordrukk sniffed, as he put his cigar back to his mouth, sucking in the damp and acrid smoke that exhilarated his senses. His exhale blew a cloud of dark smoke, which for a second obscured the sight that was before him. He stared blankly upon the ruins of an old Forgeworld; the ground littered with factories and temples stretching beyond his sight in an overtly orderly, square-shaped fashion. “Umies…” He sighed; their precise and lavish constructions were so intensively built with great care and planning but were just as easy to demolish as any Ork Town, and Bordrukk would know; for as a Blood Axe Mercenary, he had served armies that had laid waste to both.

It did not matter where Bordrukk looked; it was eternally the same symptom. There was not one building that he could see that seemed worthy or indeed capable of yielding any significant loot. The buildings were grey, and even as the suns rose further into positions lofty enough to provide light upon the wrecked earth below; the sullen tone remained, as if the buildings were eternally cursed with the bleakness of decay. All was in ruins. He perceived an emptiness broken only by rubble and broken statues: the fallen remnants of their architects’ whim. Lying, snapped in two, they appear as if in protest to the indignity of a decaying death. Not that this presented itself to the Ork Kaptin in anything other than Goosebumps.

The discordant noise behind him took him away from his thoughts and he glanced around at his squad of Kommandos, busy as they were doing nothing but joking and shouting amongst themselves. “Shut it, yoo lot.” He growled at them. His small unit were a pretty disciplined lot, but they were still Orks, and prone to clownin’ abowt quite often, and usually at the wrong time. “But dere’s noffink ‘ere!” muttered Dreggitz, Bordrukk’s best ‘snikka’*. Bordrukk offered him and the rest of the unit a scowl. He rarely needed to do more than this, although it was hard not to simply share the statement, especially as he had also lapsed into a state of disbelief at their position.

(*Snikka: a term used to describe an Ork, usually a Kommando, that is adept at close quarter fighting and particularly when in reference to Kommandos, the ability to dispatch foes silently and quickly).

His mind was focussed on his orders. He had been ordered to hold his position, but it had been a good while since those orders had been given. His Boss, Gargutz, had been gone for a long time. He was finding it hard to understand how and where Gargutz had gone. It was pretty clear, at least to him; the place was a complete dump. Bordrukk had no idea what his new employer could have possibly found here. As far as he was concerned, the ‘umies may be a useful resource, but whatever it was that had happened to them had left nothing of interest to the Orks. The place looked so under the thumb of time that he had no idea how long this place had remained, for the planet itself seemed to have left it in the condition it was the day that it had begun to crumble.

Bordrukk stubbed out his Cigar on his left bicep, and looked around at his mob. They stood immediately to attention; they knew the expression on his face well. Ork Kommandos were a solid unit, they spent their lives together, and they knew each other so well that they barely needed to speak. Most communication was made via glances, various bodily gestures and hand movements; most of these had very slight variations. The unit knew them instinctively, even Ugzag, the yoof of the unit who had only been with them shortly before their campaign had resumed. The Kommandos were also fiercely insular and deeply mistrustful of outside authority, and particularly of orders: especially the boring ones that they didn’t like doing.

Bordrukk nodded at the unit. They responded in kind, formed up into a loose skirmish formation, and moved out. He knew exactly where they were heading; he had seen what had so fascinated Gargutz, and he had decided that their next action should be determined from this position. By this point, they had spread out, and were easily hidden to the untrained or focussed eye. Kommandos are adept at sneaking. It is believed that the Orks learned this from humans, whilst others believe Orks have always been capable of such techniques when hunting. It is hard to imagine that such big and brutish creatures were capable of such subtle movement.

The Kommandos had their craft practiced into a precise art. The second that their ship had landed upon the earth, they had all been out, searching buildings in small groups, and securing the area. Upon establishing a safe perimeter, they began to blend into the surroundings. Ork hands are particularly useful for crushing rock and debris, as well as grabbing huge handfuls of dirt and grit, which are then applied liberally upon the Ork’s person, used to form a colouring layer over cloaks and clothing, and a small amount of Fungus Brew or Ork saliva, added to a handful of crushed dirt and grit, mixed into a paste and applied to the skin. Kommandos are not squeamish about any camouflage; they are only seen to be noticeably less calm without it.

Their progress was always slow; Bordrukk didn’t believe there was ever a moment where the Kommandos shouldn’t benefit from the element of surprise. Dagsnik and Gulgor scouted ahead, whilst the majority of the unit slowly moved through whatever terrain laid ahead, using cover and moving silently. After some progress, a strange noise could be heard. To a Feral Ork, the sound would be the call of a Squig that had won a territorial fight with another Squig, but to the unit, it was a call that a body had been found. Bordrukk knew the caller; the subtle grunt in the voice identified the alerted sentry as Nazdakka, the oldest Kommando in his unit.

As they closed on Nazdakka’s position, the scent of death lay in the air. The old Kommando was crouched, leaning a slight upon the barrel of his Big Shoota. He stared at the Boss, who had already met a different gaze. The body hung upon a strange stone pillar by ancient binds, and seemed to remain in place by the merest of certainty; as if the wretched corpse itself also suffered from the same curse of timelessness that plagued the whole planet. The victim upon the strange pillar was once human. Its robes at one time could well have been a crimson red, but were now a lifeless shadow that bore little of the colour it had once been. The corpse was little but a decaying ske.leton; the lifelessness of the air, as bitter as it was, existed to delay the process of decay upon the few remaining shreds of sinew; all that remained to keep the pathetic corpse intact.

Bordrukk looked in fascination at what lay before him. He had seen things like this before, and it disturbed him that the humans, so quick to dismiss him as a mere savage, could do this to its own kind. The pathetic creature’s face was deformed; its jaw agape as if protesting in death at the indignity of decay. Gazing into the corpse’s eyes, Bordrukk wondered what had become of this human. He never did understand such brutality. Even in his own culture, the brutal displays of destruction and aggression of his fellow Ork failed to take hold in his mind. He had given everything he had to reach a position of isolation, to fight, hunt and kill. He wondered why the humans so often did the job for him.

Even an Ork could not miss the symbolism of the body that hung before them. It was as an example to others. Usually when a Warboss made a similar gesture, he’d knock the snot out of some uppity Nob. If the Nob was lucky, it would live, and it usually wouldn’t. But Orks did nothing so odd to the Ork’s corpse. An Ork was free in death; the battle was over, and the score, whatever it was, would be settled and laid to rest.

But at once, the question was answered. Ugzag the Yoof produced a strange item that seemed to have fallen from the corpse. It immediately caught his attention. It was a strange, thin and metal rectangular object. It glowed as daylight, a precious metal of high quality preserved by the thin air. Upon it were markings. Bordrukk immediately recognised it as Imperial Gothic, the language of the humans, more specifically, that of the Imperium. He did not understand the writing, but he did not need to. The symbol at the bottom of the plaque was familiar enough. He had encountered it before.

The Orks had sacked a planet he had been involved in a few Waaaghs back. The planet had changed hands numerously at that time, and the Imperial Forces had only recently crushed a Rebellion by settlements that had been tainted by chaos. Bordrukk had been part of a Mob that had raided a strange temple and slaughtered an odd collection of humans. The leader wore an elaborate white power armoured suit, and upon it was a symbol – an II. It was the symbol of the Inquisition. He now knew much about them, and knew that they enforced the will of their dominant religious figure, and tortured humans who had dismissed the teachings of their ‘God’, the Emperor of Mankind.

Bordrukk had not the wit to read the writing, but he knew this victim had been accused of some misdeed in the eyes of the Inquisition. The writing upon the plaque was as clear as day:

Exterminatus Hereticus
II

Bordrukk now knew that the humans had cleansed their own planet. As he looked around he began to wonder why. The situation disturbed him, but there was little he could do. It was then that a whistle rang in the air. It was a call, from one of the two scouts Dagsnik and Gulgor, a call to their location. Bordrukk gestured with his arms to move out, and the whole unit left the corpse to its eternal punishment.

Dagsnik and Gulgor lay up ahead, and they pointed towards the footprints of a suitably large group of Orks that they had been tracking. Bordrukk had noticed the prints of a number of Orks next to the strange corpse, and they had obviously headed this way. He looked upon his two scouts with a look that suggested his thoughts to be “Wat Uv It?” the two scouts responded by pointing to his left, in the corner of the building in which they now stood. It was a mural, depicting a strange creature. He had seen one or two of them before, and they were unnatural things that appeared as if out of nowhere. This one however, was different. It was a large, horned creature, with a strange humanoid face; it was stern yet equally fierce. It wore dark armour and held a large sword. The creature sat upon a throne, which itself sat upon a huge mound of skulls, surrounded by water. The water was red, as was the symbol below it. He had seen it before, and he knew the name for which it stood. He looked at it in disbelief. “Khorne” the Kaptin spoke with a tone of disgust. The mural slid to the side, and revealed a darkened staircase leading into the bowels of the planet.

Kaptin Bordrukk looked up at his mob. They returned a similar glance. Bordrukk looked into the opening that had only suddenly appeared; he saw nothing but an inky blackness. The more he looked into it, the more odd he felt. The opening seemed to widen, as if it was about to engulf him. He felt a strange feeling in his mind, and without any gesture, he began to move, cautiously, towards the opening. Hesitantly, the mob followed and they all descended into the darkness…

In The Grim Darkness Of The Far Future There Is Only Worse

2010-02-10T14:39:00.000-08:00

In the Wargaming universe, the name Games Workshop requires no introduction; of their many games (of only a few of which they still bother to promote) Warhammer 40,000 is the best known, and their greatest breadwinner. GW has a staggering domination of the Wargaming market, a claimed percentage of somewhere around 99% of it. Not at all surprising for a company powerful enough to market itself with its own shop/store, bearing the company’s name in stark red and yellow lettering.

Games Workshop is the veritable Nintendo of the Wargaming world, with their own poster boy standing as a particular example of their success. Nintendo has Mario, the tirelessly boot stomping plumber; Games Workshop has the space marines. If you asked a GW fan to name a memorable symbol that best defines their products, you could safely bet that most would (reluctantly or not) say the Space Marines.

It is truly hard not to. As Halo has determined (surely developed from the idea of the Space Marines themselves) that a well armoured, otherwise quite uncharacteristic warrior with a deadly automatic weapon embodies enough inflated badassment to sell itself with very little effort. It is quite ironic that Space Marines are held as a rather innovative and original invention, considering that really, GW just took their Warhammer Fantasy system and plonked all their races (including armoured questing knights) into a (still rather magical and mystical) futuristic universe.

GW are not entirely unaware of this tendency, and their Space Dwarfs (well, Dwarves – The Squats as they were known) took a rather speedy exit just to avoid the blatant comparison; although retaining Space Marines (Knights), Space Orks (Orcs and Goblins – with a hint of Skaven innovation), Necrons (Undead and Tomb Kings), Imperial Guard (Empire with modern warfare thrown in), Eldar, Dark Eldar and the Harlequins (pretty much all of the Elves) and of course Chaos. The edition of the blatantly Anime Tau Empire and the disturbingly Aliens/Cthuluesque Tyrannids (who in my opinion share the Skaven theme with Orks) don’t necessarily hide GW’s fondness for taking as much popular and geek culture conventions as they can into their gaming settings.

The question is, does this matter? My answer is a perplexing mix of yes and no. Yes, because you cannot even look at a sentence in any GW work without reeling from an overdose of the cliché, finding it very easy to draw cultural and literary connections to other works. This would not be so bad if not for the utterly staggering amount of it that they have fitted into it of the many decades they’ve had to do it. If you spend your life in a vain search to locate ‘original’ material, you’ll find it hard pressed to do it at Games Workshop.

GW’s success however highlights one simple thing. People like the cliché. I know I do, because that is how stories work. The more you know before you approach something, makes it all the more easy to understand and communicate. What GW has done is make a living out of giving us, essentially, what we all want. Besides, it would be wholly unfair to say that GW hasn’t even attempted to spin their own yarns from it. In almost all of their games, they have. 40k more than any others has a vastly deep and interesting narrative. If there was one thing I’d say that was outstanding about Warhammer 40,000, it is the setting and the narrative attached to it.

The far-flung universe of Warhammer 40,000 is a dark and cynical time. Endless war, and a rogue’s gallery of demented races all entirely determined to wipe humanity off the face of the galaxy: just to show they truly care. Humanity’s ultimate weapon is of course the Space Marines, but that hasn’t stopped the foul Gods of chaos perverting some of their own to chuck back at them.

One of the unfortunate aspects of the 40k universe is that you literally cannot breathe for Space Marines. In the 40k section of any Games Worshop store they take up a majority of the shelf space, and if one of their staff is going to try and peddle something to you, it’ll be their power armoured poster boys. GW it seems quickly hit on the coolness factor of Space Marines and quickly realised they are 40k’s main selling point.

Unfortunately, it is disgustingly true. Everyone who plays 40k plays because of Space Marines. Perhaps because when they started up and first got hooked to the game, they started up playing space marines, because ‘they’re easy to use’, or simply through the course of playing fell in love with those inflated stats and highly resistant armour saves; or because they utterly hate the much-adored Space Marines so much that they spend most of their gaming life trying to destroy them, or working up schemes to destroy them. A lot of the older gamers (such as myself) have been through more than one of these phases, if not all of them. These days I am vehemently in the latter category.

As I have mentioned previously, the reason for their popularity is fairly obvious. Aside of most of the romantic and heroic storylines of the setting being devoted to them, on the gaming table they are bloody ferocious, ridiculously hard to kill, and annoyingly easy to use. Unfortunately, the background of Warhammer 40,000 shows that there is nowhere near as many Space Marines in the fictional universe as what you will see on the gaming table. Every marine death is a tragedy because in the story background, they are ridiculously difficult to replace with new troops as these super-human warriors take decades of genetic and biological manipulation and training to get to the stage where they are battle-ready.

The spotlight does tend to take its toll on the gaming experience. The marines have enough of their own codices (Codex Space Marines, Chaos Space Marines, Daemonhunters and the Marine Chapter Specifics: Space Wolves, Blood Angels, Dark Angels and Black Templars) that they can (and invariably do) alternate between Codex releases of non-marine factions and marine factions consistently.

With GW’s way of working, the newest Codex does tend to have a number of edges over the previous releases, and often this isn’t simply the fact that they are ‘new’. 40k (and WHFB as well) is being developed mid-release, so ideas are being taken further with subsequent releases. I assume the idea is to keep the system innovative between lengthy rulebook updates (which come around every 5 years), but the side-effect is leaving older codices behind, including books supposedly written for the same edition of the rulebook.

Imperial Guard and the loyalist Space Marines in particular have really broke away from some of the earlier books that will probably stay for most if not all of 5th Edition. The Chaos players are virtually catatonic (but more on that in a future entry), and the differences are rather noticeable. Fortunately the mutual points limit is a half-decent balancing factor, but some of the differences are utterly blatant. It is really hard to encounter a Space Marine army without a number of special characters in it, who are blatantly cheap and good for what they bring to the army, getting players screaming ‘cheese’ and ‘broken’ with such frequency that it has over-shrouded the outrage that many players muttered about the recent Ork update, that is already starting to be outclassed.

Of course some of the older books in particular are looking very, very outdated. The Dark Eldar Codex in particular is now 12 years old, and has seen 3 edition changes, and has been around since pretty much the first month of the release of the first edition it witnessed, 3rd Edition 40k (with only a slight expansion on their Wargear Section and some Vehicle Upgrades to show for all the time the Dark Eldar players have waited).

Of recent times, 5th Edition has made Dark Eldar competitive again, but you’ll be hard pressed to find someone who plays them, to an even lesser degree than of the Orks (before the new codex came out) even back when they were released. The few remaining Dark Eldar players are naturally terrified that they will be the next Squats, and make a rather blatant exit explained by a dramatic fluff event in a vain attempt to hide the fact that like the Squats, they had character, but didn’t sell very well.

You will hear some of the Squat players at this point mutter something about the Demierg that appeared in Battlefleet Gothic as an effort to suggest that the Squats weren’t entirely annihilated. But those players should bear in mind that all this means is that they were indeed annihilated, and that GW made their point clear about them with a catastrophically bad attempt at a comeback.

This brings me on to the main gaming system. Warhammer 40,000 5th Edition was warmly welcomed by most of its fans (hardly surprising, I did call GW the Nintendo of wargames providers), although some army’s players were noticeably dismayed. The easiest way to convey the main factions’ disappointment is with this picture:

There is one thing that Games Workshop attracts more than money spent on space marines, it is moaning. 5th Edition in particular has attracted a lot of it, and a considerable amount just from people like me on online forums. There is a lot of merit to this however, but before I point attention to the smelly parts of the ruleset, I will first say that I feel GW is far closer than they were at balancing than in 4th Edition, and that some of the changes has encouraged some use of actual tactics for a change.

Right when 5th Edition was released, you could find a picture of some bloke looking down upon the battlefield to demonstrate how the new line of sight system worked (a picture I have saved for prosperity, which I shall add when I remember where the hell I put it). That’s right, you look. True Line of Sight (or TLOS) is now the new way you select targets and determine how you see them in 40k. Before 5th Edition, the rules were a lot clunkier in that you had to determine how deep into cover the unit was, and there’d be a lot of arguments over what the cover was, and whether it could be seen (at least that’s the running argument on it).

Incidentally a number of games I have seen and took part in since 5th Edition have featured even more arguments over LOS than ever. It is hardly surprising. Not only will everyone second-guess what you can see, you have a subjective system that is certainly quicker but a lot less efficient. With the system of cover saves as it is there is very little intuitive about the system. What you have is a gimmicky system, based on the idea of getting you more immersed and trying to keep things ‘simple’.

“And with the new line of sight rules, like I said earlier, the whole perception of how you play your games has changed. You no longer stand aloof above proceedings; you get involved at a model's eye level, participating in every shot fired. It works, but above all it is fun.” (Warhammer 40,000 Design Notes)

The reason it doesn’t work is best emphasised by shooting-heavy forces such as Orks with lots of Shootas and Lootas, Tau and Imperial Guard. The majority of 40k terrain is built with accommodating miniatures in mind, making it easier for them to move through. It is almost impossible to fully hide a whole unit anymore, and what’s more is that any shots thrown their way are not hampered by difficulties to accuracy, but merely provide a ‘cover save’. Thus you can pepper armies with fire, and let them take whatever save they want, knowing any 2s and 1s are usually going to be bad.

TLOS isn’t necessarily bad. Other skirmish gaming systems use it, but it requires innovative rules design to be anything more than a gimmick. GW has not accomplished that. The disadvantage of cover is handed to the recipient of shooting attacks, not the other way around. Cover should prevent successful hits, not allow more and give a trivial save that most wont use. The only real advantage from it is ‘Go To Ground’ which is only really effective if you are sitting a unit on an objective and you don’t intend to use them.

What is truly sad is that a slight tightening of the 4th Edition cover rules would be overall a much fairer way of determining cover without having to change the 40k system to make new ideas work. What is truly ironic is that GW decided to scrap this and go with a new approach without bothering to change the 40k system to make the new ideas work. Something for another edition no doubt, the cynic would surely be forgiven for assuming they planned it that way.

The new missions are at least interesting, although it doesn’t take a huge genius to realise most of the credit goes to the designers of Dawn of War, and were merely fitted into the 40k system probably as an afterthought. They do however encourage actual tactics, such as actually moving your units. Running means combat armies are a little better than they used to be, and in many ways, the changes have worked to make the game at least more balanced (ignoring Codex Creep anyway).

Probably aside of TLOS, the main failure in the system is Wound Allocation. For a game trying to streamline things, it has attached a rather large breezeblock to the front. The system is just far too clunky to work. It also encourages the rolling ‘buckets of dice’ approach to gaming that tends to be a common argument as to why 40k is about as tactical as a game of snakes and ladders. Plus, it has led to a huge exploit, where multi-wound units can chuck wounds around for ages without dying so long as they are all uniquely equipped. This has made Ork Nobs in particular a much nastier unit than perhaps intended.

The main failing of GW’s release system is constantly faffing around with their games. There doesn’t seem to be any effort to balance it out or move towards something refined. It just seems a bit like jumbling up the elements every now and then to sell something with the same name as something a bit different. 40k is on the verge improvement, but every time it takes a step forward, it takes several back. We are far away from some cohesive proof as to why Warhammer 40,000 is one of the most popular Wargames on the planet.

This is longer than I wanted it to be, and probably old news to most of you. However as this blog is new, I’m playing catch-up, and I will be getting to newer, juicier issues soon, hopefully less verbosely.

Thanks for reading.

TWC.

Forget the power of the consumer and common sense, for so much has been removed, never to be returned. Forget the promise of progress and innovative game design, for in the grim dark game dev’s office there is only profit. There is no peace among the staff, only an eternity of faffing about and disaster, and the laughter of inferior men, living off the genius of long-departed gods.

In the future, there is only worse.

Wargames and Cynicism

2010-02-02T10:27:00.000-08:00

I was tempted to open up with a discussion and defence of cynical works, but what would be the point? I’m sure by now we all know the deal. It is usually a lot easier to just go with the flow and assume that almost everyone on the Internet already expects angry people pretty much everywhere. The cynic, more than anyone else, is often surprised that most people aren’t completely livid by now.

For the most part, I’d like to avoid the Internet tendency to take negativity too far (hence why this blog will also be featuring articles and fluff), but obviously, there is little point beating about the bush when something is annoying you. If you’re sailing on a sea of turds it is often hardly worth the effort of getting scented sails for your boat.

My title of ‘Wargamer’ is a bit misleading, because I much prefer the more general term of ‘Hobbyist’. For me it is as much fun putting all those models together, converting a few and sticking paint on them as it is playing the games. I suppose the main reason most people complain about their hobbies such as Wargaming, is because generally the effort they put into it starts making the whole aspect of it personal. You start seeing things you don’t like about the game ruining your experience, because after all that personal investment you put into it; it does tend to annoy you when witnessing the company that provides you with it screwing it up.

You can see this fanaticism with webcomics, films, TV series’, computer games and everything else in popular culture. There isn’t a great deal of difference other than the extra time, blood, frustration, curse words and patience invested can make you a little more obsessive than you might be otherwise. There is one main thing that unites us all, our passion (or more likely fanaticism) that we put into it. It is often easy to forget that most people get angry because they care, and nothing makes you care more than change.

Ultimately, none of us like change, but the Wargamer actively fears it, especially if they play GW games, or at least did at one point. It’s not just the gamers who still experience Games Workshop either. Recently those involved with Privateer Press’ wargames (Warmachine and Hordes players in particular) have started to realise the stigma of ‘change’ isn’t just limited to GW. Those very few to experience Rackham before At43 and Confrontation: Age of Ragnarok, may remember the older version of Confrontation. I mentioned in my greetings post how I no longer play Confrontation. The change (the most radical of any wargame I’ve ever seen) is why.

When a game you love takes a radical u-turn, it is hard not to get more cynical. With change brings new rules, ideas and concepts. These aren’t necessarily bad, but in a competitive world where any business needs to make money, most of the change tends to revolve around improving the company’s ability to make more money than anything else. The ‘art’ or the ‘ethos’ of it can end up in the recycle bin with, what can be assumed, less than a moments’ hesitation.

It is a sad indicative of society that we find that moaning comes so easily. The media knows this so well that they can devote pages to doing it, or invoking it in their viewers/readers. They know it so well that they (particularly in British media) can often make stuff up just to add fuel to this endless moaning. You often hear the phrase that ‘everything is politics’ well, technically speaking, yes. Hobbies are however, how we try to distract ourselves from such things as politics. In our dependence on it, and our investment in it, we find that it as much political and just as prone to driving us completely mental over it as anything else.

Wargaming is one of those hobbies that is very diverse indeed. There is plenty of material to mull over, wax lyrical and complain about. Although I want to quickly get up to date with frustrations and such, the easiest place is to start at the beginning. For me, the beginning was with GW’s Warhammer 40,000, which although wasn’t my first wargaming experience (that was Necromunda) I started 40k about 15 years ago, and it really doesn’t take all that long to get annoyed with GW, it just gives more fuel to resentment.

You could view this post as the introduction to the Wargaming Cynic Series, as I set what will hopefully be the tone of a series, which I’ll try to keep more or less on the rails of the constructive, with a little deconstruction for artistic affect (honest!). The temptation is to spout into rants about everything, but let’s keep it strictly trivial shall we?

Thanks for reading.

TWC.

Greetings!

2010-02-01T02:39:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone, Wargaming Cynic here, reporting for duty...

As the title suggests, I am a cynic who also plays wargames. Wargames such as Warhammer 40,000, Warhammer Fantasy Battle, Necromunda, Warmachine, Hordes, Confrontation (well, used to), Anima Tactics, and an increasingly large number of which I don't bother with any more (I still talk about confrontation, so it hasn't dropped off my list yet). Generally though, if it is a wargame there's a fair chance I'll have an opinion on it if I've experienced it. I may dare to discuss RPGs such as D&D, Cyberpunk etc. But don't necessarily count on it.

Obviously if you're not much interested in Wargames, I'm probably not a blogger you want to spend too much time reading.

I decided to start a blog to vent the increasing frustration I am getting with this hobby. I do so with a great amount of regret and hesitation, as the Internet is already rife enough with such vapid verbosity; although it is something I have already contributed to on a number of forums. I mostly do it because I am unlikely to matter, and because I'm starting to feel really bad about doing it on public forums. At least here, people are actively choosing to read it.

I still need a place to vent, because ultimately although I am criticising and ranting about things in popular culture, I am doing so because somewhere in my increasingly blackened heart, I still care and would like nothing better than to be happy about it. Unfortunately, that is rather unlikely. They say that there is no pleasing some people, and I could well be one of them. I started being a fervent critic of Wargames once I started writing a few of my own, and learnt how many things I utterly disagreed with.

In addition to the occasional rant, I find my favourite outlet (although one I am more finicky about) to be in the writing of background stories (fluff if you want the Internet term). Mostly when sharing on the Internet, I tend to keep it to fanfluff from Warhammer 40,000, which is my favourite wargaming fluff setting (and not much else). As a lifelong Ork fan, most of it will be from an Orky slant.

A Blogger Pal of mine has told me I can organise these blogs into groups (although I have no idea how), so I would expect mostly that I'll jump between ranting and writing fluff with such an erratic behaviour it is best to try and not attach a logic to it. Nor should anyone expect updates of any of them to be consistent. I write erratically and, especially with fluff, to the point of anal perfectionism.

The main threads to keep an eye out for are:

Obviously the main feature is The Wargaming Cynic Series, as it happens to be the title of the Blog, I've forced my hand into using it as such. It will mostly read like a cynical diary of my experiences with Wargaming, and in particular, a lot of moaning about GW (Games Workshop).

A slight subsection of the above series is The Wargaming Cynic Articles Series (usually TWC Articles for short), which will entail various articles and such I have written with the aim of usually getting a few laughs and being a little informative (preferably in that order). This section will likely separate out into named series' (such as the potential Odditsee series) once I start figuring out which ones I can be bothered to post up.

In the realm of fluff, there may be a number of one-off stories, but I have a few running stories that will develop a large story over a long time. The first is The Bloodpact Saga, a dark story about Orks, Chaos and big swords. Very exciting.

The second long running story series is Wurrgitz, otherwise known as Madboyz. The story details the lives of some rather perplexing Madboyz. I wish I entirely made the concept up, but no, GW got there first. This is not a very serious series, and will enjoy spending most of its time messing with the 40k canon in ways it really wished it didn't.

There will also be one-off stories from time to time and a fair bit of general ranting about other things. I'm going to try and keep it in popular culture, because as far as politics and religion goes, it's best not to get involved.

Thanks for reading.

TWC.